IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people said that people should retire early, while others argue discuss both views

#people
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It is generally believed that early retirees may have more
time
Use synonyms
 to rest and relax after devoting their whole life to
work
Use synonyms
. While
people
Use synonyms
 have the tendency to spend most of their
time
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
, being retired early does mean that they will have more
time
Use synonyms
 to do the other activities
such
Linking Words
 as cooking, gardening or doing the exercises which help them to rest their mind and body.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
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’s
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 may get more peaceful when they are able to avoid pressure at
work
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 earlier as well as to reduce the
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 of a myriad of diseases like heart attack, backache or high blood pressure.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, pensioners are able to travel worldwide when retiring ahead of
time
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. Clearly, there will not be sufficient
time
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 for
people
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 to get a chance to go to a variety of places,
however
Linking Words
, it is much easier to conduct if seniors depart prematurely as they do possess more
time
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 should be used wisely as it will be tough for
people
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 to move a long way while
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 conditions are not permitted. Not to mention the fact that retiring at a younger age
also
Linking Words
 creates more
time
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 for the elderly to spend with family and friends. It can not be denied that family and friends are an extremely crucial part of each person, for that reason, they should be spent more
time
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 on than
work
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
, retiring earlier may be a good choice for pensioners. One major disadvantage of early retreatment from
work
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 is elderly can easily get fatigued. It is in fact that copious seniors may easily get bored when they are unable to do creative things except
from
Remove the preposition
apply
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repeatedly tedious activities.
For example
Linking Words
,
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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 are prevented from
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 or getting outside due to the Covid-19 pandemic, while they are no longer working.
Consequently
Linking Words
, watching television or listening to
radio
Add an article
the radio
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 all day long are the only things they can do.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it will be tough for
people
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 who are no longer working to live on
pension
Add an article
a pension
show examples
. With the development of the economy which may result in the increase in plentiful essential products,
nevertheless
Linking Words
, pension is still stable.
As a result
Linking Words
, meeting the daily demand is harsh to most old citizens when they only depend on pension. What is more, the talented and experienced human resources will be wasted when
people
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 retire earlier. There are many
people
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 who are fully experienced and have achieved a plentiful of prizes in their area, so it will be a wonderful chance for the young
people
Use synonyms
 to learn from them. For that reason, leaving earlier may become a disadvantage to some
people
Use synonyms
 as well as their fields which they have
devocated
Correct your spelling
advocated
devoted
 to.
Submitted by doibichhoa on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • transnational problems
  • climate change
  • ozone layer depletion
  • pollution
  • collaborative efforts
  • pooling of resources
  • expertise
  • technology
  • innovative solutions
  • international standards
  • race to the bottom
  • environmental standards
  • capacity
  • impacts
  • national sovereignty
  • independently
  • economic
  • social contexts
  • international consensus
  • legal
  • political systems
  • enforcement
What to do next:
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