IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

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Few
parents
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 are buying their kids an ample amount of play
toys
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 to have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
fun. Significantly,
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 an extent
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age
Change preposition
of age
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, they are very helpful to improve their visual and mental abilities. The essay will
further
Linking Words
 discuss the merits and demerits
for
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of
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 giving plenty of play
toys
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 to
children
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. It is psychologically proved by doctors that,
children
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 who are
in
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apply
show examples
between
of
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apply
show examples
1 to 4 years of
age
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 are with
very
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the very
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 experimental
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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. They learn everything by their own experience.
For example
Linking Words
, if their
parents
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 told them not to touch hot water , they wish to go and touch them to know what's there in it. So, it is a definite advantage to give ample amount of
toys
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 for
children
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 at
this
Linking Words
 particular period of
age
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 to gain knowledge and increase their mental ability. Significantly, there are chances of disadvantages.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
, playing with
toys
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 for a particular amount of time totally depends on
Add an article
the mind
show examples
mind set
Correct your spelling
mindset
show examples
 of the
children
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 and control over
parents
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, giving plenty of
toys
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 to
children
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 may get disturb their working mood because gradually, they are very
intrested
Correct your spelling
interested
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 playing than sitting in a constant place and studying for exams.
For example
Linking Words
, the research
Correct pronoun usage
that have
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have
Change the verb form
has
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 been done in 2021 depicts that kids having less
age
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 are not eager about their future despite they are very
intrested
Correct your spelling
interested
interest
 to watch movies, cartoons and have fun with their neighbours in
playing
Correct article usage
the playing
show examples
 area. So, I conclude that the above passage illustrates advantages as well as disadvantages. I suggest that
parents
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 should find their
children
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ability
Correct article usage
the ability
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of grasping
Replace the preposition
to grasp
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 new things and giving
toys
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 according to their
age
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.
for example
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,
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 is a new app called
dujo
Correct your spelling
dojo
judo
duo
 panda, it is an app where they provide
toys
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 and books for 9months to 8 years
children
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. They ask
parents
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 to fill a form which
have
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has
show examples
 basic questions about child abilities, according to
this
Linking Words
 they will send books and
toys
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 to improve their reading and mental ability from childhood itself.
This
Linking Words
 kind of
Use synonyms
toys
Fix the agreement mistake
toy
show examples
 improve their knowledge but they cannot be
as
Change preposition
apply
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an distractors
Correct the article-noun agreement
distractors
a distractor
show examples
.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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