IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is said that people should retire early, others argue that it is unnecessary to do so. Discuss both views.

#people
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To begin
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 with, an average person has to
work
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 40 hours a week with stacks of paper and assignments on their desk, and only after retirement can they have a rest and relaxation .
This
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 is the majority of most office
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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, and sometimes even in higher positions when they continuously bury themselves in
work
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 and deadlines given by their superior manager and the loop does not end until they get a promotion. In most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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cases, they do not have the guts to quit and get another job more capable for them and keep wasting
time
Use synonyms
 on things they do not enjoy.
In addition
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, a few hours every night or the weekend is not enough for trips to remote places, where most
people
Use synonyms
 would want to spend their
time
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 after all the
work
Use synonyms
 and stress in order to reward themselves. After a long day of
work
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, anyone would love to spend the night with their family,
however
Linking Words
, doing it eventually will get them bored and unsatisfied. So in order to spice things up,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to go on vacation to get fresh air from other places but it is usually available only when they are given permission to or on bank holidays are they free to do so.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, by not going to
work
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 and having
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 things to worry about in our spare
time
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, it is
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
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 that we have more
time
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 with our family and friends.
For instance
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, there are already too many movies that give us the consequences of not spending enough
time
Use synonyms
 with their children and they are likely to be spoiled and disrespectful towards others, including elders.
Besides
Linking Words
, the parents are not young either, it is a child’s responsibility to look after their parents and they have to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
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 it thoroughly.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, everyone complains about how their life is full of stress and
work
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 and seek for more
freetime
Correct your spelling
free time
, but what if when they actually have it,
people
Use synonyms
 take it for granted and get bored
instead
Linking Words
.
This
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 problem occurs to everyone and very frequently, especially when some
people
Use synonyms
 do not seem to understand exactly what they are doing and what they really want.
For example
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, when they see a beautiful but expensive dress, all they think of is how charming it is and the other’s attention towards them wearing it while it can barely look properly good on them. What is more, a common difficulty for elders is that when they do not have a job, they can not easily afford for their
life
Replace the word
lives
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 with all kinds of spendings and taxes. It is widely known that it is not possible to live entirely on pension, it only serves as a small amount of money to help them in a few aspects in later days of their life and they have to count on their savings as well as their children looking after them.
Therefore
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, everyone has to think twice before they start spending money after retirement in order not to go bankrupt and get themselves in debt.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, it is compassionate that seniors with a lot of experience can no longer
work
Use synonyms
 anymore.
People
Use synonyms
 who have been working for years must have a decent knowledge about the most proper ways to finish their
work
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 but are not capable of devoting more. Some of them did not even have the chance to help
making
Wrong verb form
make
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 it easier for others by instructing newbies or
help
Wrong verb form
helping
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creating
Wrong verb form
create
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 devices and methods to get the
work
Use synonyms
 done more effortlessly.
Submitted by doibichhoa on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • transnational problems
  • climate change
  • ozone layer depletion
  • pollution
  • collaborative efforts
  • pooling of resources
  • expertise
  • technology
  • innovative solutions
  • international standards
  • race to the bottom
  • environmental standards
  • capacity
  • impacts
  • national sovereignty
  • independently
  • economic
  • social contexts
  • international consensus
  • legal
  • political systems
  • enforcement
What to do next:
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