IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

There is a view that the working duration should be shortened and lengthen the weekend duration.
This
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 essay agrees that a shorter working week benefits
employees
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 and employers.
This
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 is caused by tiredness makes employee use their
time
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 unproductively and
happiness
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 will increase their
performance
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.
Firstly
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, if
employees
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 feel tired, they tend to do unproductive things. By
this
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 I mean tiredness usually leads to loss of concentration.
Therefore
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, they are likely to leave their
work
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 and do something else unrelated to the
work
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.
For example
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, many workers in Indonesia have a habit that they tend to have a chat with others about other things for 1-2
hours
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 before they clock out when they feel tired.
However
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, these unproductive
hours
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 can be just eliminated by shortening the working
hours
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,
hence
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 the
employees
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 will have more free
time
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 and the employer does not need to pay them for those unnecessary
hours
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.
Secondly
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, the
happiness
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 level of
employees
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 will determine their
performance
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. To be more precise, workers who have more free
time
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 to have fun will increase their
happiness
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 level and
this
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 leads to them being willing to
work
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 harder makes them have better
performance
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.
For instance
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, some high-earning companies in the United States have less working
time
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 by 2
hours
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 for their
employees
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 compared to the usual 9 to 5 working
hours
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.
As a result
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, they are happy to
work
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 harder and use their
time
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 productively
instead
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 of complaining about long working
hours
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 and procrastinating their tasks.
Therefore
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, the company’s productivity increases a lot. In conclusion, tiredness will lead to unproductive
hours
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 and the
happiness
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 level of
employees
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 determines their
performance
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, it should be better to extend the weekend duration and shorten the working week.

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coherence cohesion
Improve sentence variety and structure to enhance readability. Avoid repetition of ideas and phrases to maintain the reader's interest.
task achievement
Ensure clarity in your argument by eliminating minor grammatical errors and using precise vocabulary. This will make your ideas more comprehensible.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion on the working week and weekend duration.
task achievement
Your essay provides relevant examples to support the main points, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of the arguments within the paragraphs is commendable, making it easy to follow your train of thought.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
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