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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people argue that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others believe that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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People
Use synonyms
 have conflicting views regarding the bad phases of their life, like
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of funds or an undesirable profession . Some take it practically while others are pessimistic about the same .
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views and will give my opinion post that. On one
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that a dissatisfying job or less income is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part of their destiny. They are not happy with their role still
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
continue to work in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fear that if they quit their job,
then
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 how will they pay their bills, what if they did not get employment for a while.
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Consequently
Add a comma
,Consequently
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 accept a bad situation without making an effort to improve it. There are
also
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such
Linking Words
 situations that are beyond our control and cannot be improved.
For example
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, a serious illness or
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
sudden death of
dear
Correct article usage
a dear
show examples
 one. It is important to cope with the loss or negative situation than brooding on it.
On the other hand
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, there are
people
Use synonyms
 who are optimistic about
such
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 situations. They consider these phases as part and parcel of their life.
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Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
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 they choose to take
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
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 in order
achieve
Fix the infinitive
to achieve
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 their dreams.
For instance
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, nobody has to suffer a bad occupation if better options are available in the market. Of
course
Add a comma
,course
show examples
this
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 might require new skills, acquiring new qualifications, building a resume etc but, it is worth our while.
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Similarly
Add a comma
,Similarly
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 a person suffering from
a poor health conditions
Correct the article-noun agreement
poor health conditions
a poor health condition
show examples
 can improve his health by living a healthy lifestyle, controlling his diet, doing exercise regularly.
Hence
Linking Words
, the argument that all bad situations should be accepted without complaining does not hold water. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 have baseless excuses in bad circumstances, but I believe that there is always a better way to improve a bad situation and change our parts to live a better future.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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