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Nowadays, more people are choosing to socilise online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #socilise #face #development
In the age of the internet, more and more
people
 using social media and social networking applications to communicate
instead
 of socializing in person.
Although
 I believe that
this
 is a positive development for the
individuals
 , I think it has negative impacts on societies. With regards to
individuals
, the result of more online
communication
 is positive for
people
.
Firstly
,
people
 with mutual interests gather together through online platforms from all over the world, while in the past
people
 rarely had the chance to meet someone from outside of their community and immediate circle.
Secondly
,
individuals
 who spend more time on online
communication
 spend less time and energy in relation to the
face
 to
face
 meetings.
People
 do not have to travel to meet their friends and family members, so they have more chances to communicate with each other.
On the other hand
, the impact of
this
 development on societies and local communities can be seen as negative. When more
people
 prefer social networking,
face
 to
face
communication
Add a missing verb
is reduce
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reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
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 in the local communities.
Consequently
, there would be fewer close and supportive relationships in the community.
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
people
instead
 of fulfilling their social need for their relatives
face
 to
face
 choosing some person rarely had the chance to meet one day which makes society  more disjointed. In conclusion,
although
 in the modern world online
communication
instead
 of  in-person  socializing is  beneficial for
individuals
, there are some drawbacks for society.
Submitted by cena.m.89 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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