IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #person #opportunity
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In
this
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 era, the fast pace of
life
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 forces us to work hard and be rich.
Although
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 not everybody could reach the salary level they want, most
people
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 agree that having m
uch
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
money
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 will open up opportunities to help other
people
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 who have poorer conditions, and I am completely on
this
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 side. The fact that most basic human needs nowadays need to be paid requires us to have
money
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. If
one
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 does not have enough to manage these fees, he or she will have to face difficulties living a normal
life
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. In the rural area, lots of
people
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 suffered from hunger or diseases, just because they could not afford f
or f
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ood, clean water and supplies for their lives. Without
money
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, they
also
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 could not pay for the hospital curing charges if unfortunately getting accidents or being ill. With
money
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, the richer can give a hand in helping
people
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 in unwanted conditions, mostly are about
money
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 debt, to pay for their needs. The supports may not stop at giving
money
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, but could
also
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 spread into various forms. Building houses, schools or service c
enters
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centres
show examples
for poor
people
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 are good examples f
or
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of
show examples
h
elps
Change the wording
help
bits of help
show examples
which do not directly pay for
life
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, helping other
people
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 does not only mean that
one
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 has to donate or send
money
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 to charity organizations to help the poor. Living a good
life
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 and contributing to the development of t
he s
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ociety is
also
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 a form of helping others. And to do
this
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,
one
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 needs
money
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 to afford all the fees and taxes, as well as to buy necessities for his
life
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. T
aking
Wrong verb form
Take
show examples
our own
life
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 as an example. Those that have debts usually make their relatives worry, even being disturbed and threatened by some unofficial finance organizations. These negative feelings and situations prevent
people
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 from living a good
life
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.
However
Linking Words
,
people
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 who are rich can live by themselves, without being a consideration f
or
Change preposition
by
show examples
their family or friends, a
llow
Wrong verb form
allowing
show examples
them to peacefully work and develop on their own path. In conclusion, it is true that being rich allows us to help other
people
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 in many ways, not necessarily by directly giving donations, but other methods,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and
one
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 of them is to live well on our own.
Submitted by Andy on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • wealthy
  • financial resources
  • philanthropy
  • charitable organizations
  • donations
  • fundraising
  • support
  • initiatives
  • contribute
  • fulfillment
  • purpose
  • selfless
  • altruistic
  • prioritize
  • personal gain
What to do next:
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