IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own healthand diet. Others however believe that government should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet.

#people #responsibility #individuals #care #healthand #diet #government #citizens
It has always
a
Add a missing verb
been a
show examples
concern for people about health and fitness. A healthy diet should be a part of our
lifestyl
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
. Many heads take responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 taking care of day-to-day diet by actually paying interest whereas the others blame the authorities to handle. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 always two
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a coin. I elaborate
each
Change preposition
on each
show examples
 of them
further
.
To begin
 with, here I would like to talk about the individuals who takes the
responsibiliti
Correct your spelling
responsibility
. My belives is that people have
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 freedom to consume whatever they want to. If we
consuming
Wrong verb form
consume
show examples
 food, we should have enough knowledge about each
ingredients
Change to a singular noun
ingredient
show examples
 and its effects. Harsh ingredients,
non edible
Add a hyphen
non-edible
show examples
 items adversely affect our metabolism process and organs. We can reduce dependency by being informed of products we use The
next
 argument is that government should take care of the items. Of
course
Add a comma
,course
show examples
this
 statement is trustable but it is tough for the authorities to take one brand to establish their business in the country. Many
contraacts
Correct your spelling
contracts
 and
agriments
Correct your spelling
agreements
 are being done. It will
harder
Add a missing verb
be harder
show examples
 for government to call out each and every brand to ban products or change the formulas.
There
Replace the word
Their
show examples
 many political connections
exists
Change the verb form
exist
show examples
 as well.
Therefore
, to conclude, we only people have
strength
Add an article
the strength
show examples
 and wish to choose the commodities we want to consume. When we will raise our voice,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 will take steps
further
.
Submitted by mp960021 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: