IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

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It is argued that a tiny number of individuals spare moments in avocation these days and it has a devastating personal adverse effect. Personally, I think it is due to their extremely tightened job agenda.
This
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 essay will shed light on both the causes and consequences of the matter and provide evidence to prove the arguments. There are manifold reasons for a shortfall in investing resources in pastimes.
First
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 and foremost, leisure activities are time-consuming and money spending.
In other words
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, these activities certainly require hours of preparation and undoubtedly waste a considerable amount of expenditures in transportation, accommodation, and so forth. The same resources should be allocated in other sectors
such
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 as family house construction and health insurance. Let us take one family of 5 members as an example, solely in one weekend at the most renowned place like Durban Square, it could cost them approximately 5000$. The amount is enough to suffice the family health insurance for 5 years.
As a result
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, a plethora of individuals allocated
this
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 amount in other areas.
Secondly
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, few occasion in recreation is the main fountain of distress. Because people need a vacation to relax ,
otherwise
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 they get stressed and sorrow comes up.
For instance
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, recent research from Oxford University pointed out that 70% of employed workers who did not get holiday lost productivity at work.
Hence
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, their companies lost businesses and customers.
Moreover
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, the shortfall in leisure life is seen as the overriding reason for enterprise decline worldwide. In conclusion, despite leisure itself being ,time-wasting it is pivotal to individuals relaxation and communities advancement.
Therefore
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, I recommend enterprises provide workers vacation so that the consequences are reduced.

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The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • deprive
  • leisure activities
  • harmful impacts
  • relieve stress
  • enhance productivity
  • boost creativity
  • foster social interactions
  • escape from daily routines
  • pursue one's interests
  • balance work and personal life
What to do next:
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