IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that children’s free time must include educational activities otherwise they will waste their time. What is your opinion?

#people #children’s #time #activities #waste
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Several
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the free
time
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 of
children
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 should include activities which are educational or else it would be
fruitless
Add an article
a fruitless
show examples
 endeavour.
Although
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 some hold the view that during the leisure
time
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 of minors, they must engage in
conducts
Fix the agreement mistake
conduct
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which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 would broaden their skills and enhance their educational output,
however
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, I stand with them on
this
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 position.
This
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 essay will discuss why it is important for kids to
Add a missing verb
be involved
show examples
involved
Change the verb
involve
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 in acts during their free
time
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that is
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 academically beneficial to them. To start with, younger folks during their leisure
time
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 should engage in conducts which will teach them morals.
This
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 is significant because
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
at
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 can shape the way they behave not only to their peers but
also
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 to elderly
people
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.
For instance
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, when we were growing up, my elder sibling and I played a game called "manners maketh man",
this
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 game teaches us how to behave like a princess has
mold
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molded
show examples
 our lives
such
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 as not
to talk
Change the verb form
talking
show examples
 whilst eating and to seat with
legs
Correct pronoun usage
our legs
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 crossed.
Moreover
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, I am of the opinion that
children
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 must be occupied with educational
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
 during their leisure
time
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 or else it would be a waste of
time
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.
Furthermore
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, despite the fact that most
people
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 say that no work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, I still believe that
children
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 should be taught during their
play
Correct your spelling
playtime
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time
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 events that would teach them how to work with
team
Add an article
the team
a team
show examples
. To exemplify, most of the
time
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, in our free
time
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 when we were young, we used to play a game called six
cups
Fix the agreement mistake
Cup
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 which includes a team of 6, each with 5 players.
In addition
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, involving in
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
educational conduct during free
time
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 as
children
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 will definitely teach them how to work as a team when they grow. To conclude,
although
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 some
people
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 are of the view that
children
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 should be occupied with educational activities during their free
time
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,
however
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, if they engaged themselves in it
otherwise
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 it will yield them no
dividen
Correct your spelling
dividend
dividends
 in the near future.
Nonetheless
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, I still support
this
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 view.
Submitted by mannahevelyn30 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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