IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that the education system should only focus on preparing students for employment, while others believe it has other important functions.

#people #education #system #focus #students #employment #functions
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ItSome
Correct your spelling
some
 residents think that accepting
with
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apply
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negative circumstances is
a
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the
show examples
 best way,
such
Linking Words
 as
unsatisfactory
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an unsatisfactory
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job
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 or
the
Correct article usage
a
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 lack of money because of some reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
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 want to avoid risk and enjoy
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peaceful
life
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 so they feel really satisfied with their
situations
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. Their
people
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 always have a trust that money or suitable jobs
are not play
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are not playing
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 a crucial role in their
life
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, bad
situations
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 make better
people
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 because they can learn or improve several
skills
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 in
other aspect
Change the wording
another aspect
other aspects
show examples
 of
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job
Add an article
the job
show examples
. To illustrate,
people
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 learned marketing at the university but they accept a
job
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 about
the
Correct article usage
apply
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editing video in the company. In
this
Linking Words
 case,
this
Linking Words
 person may
also
Linking Words
 acquire more
skills
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 than other
people
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 and they can apply
this
Linking Words
 knowledge and
skills
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 in improving themselves.  It is better for individuals to try and overcome these
situations
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 due to some
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
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 who are determined and make an attempt in most circumstances often get successful and have
impressed
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impressive
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 achievements. The more time and effort they spent, the more respect they received from colleagues.
Secondly
Linking Words
, trying to enhance yourself may help you discover some special
skills
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 which are necessary for their jobs in the future. These
skills
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 can make managers have an interesting impression about you that becomes an advantage aspect to employ
than
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over
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 other employers.
Finally
Linking Words
, changing and overcoming poor
situations
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 can change
Use synonyms
life
Add an article
a life
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. They may have a better
life
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 when they get a stable
job
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 with
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 salary. If they give up their opportunities to enhance themselves in bad
situations
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, they always become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
normal
people
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 with a simple
life
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. It’s a boring lifestyle.  In brief, it seems to me that individuals should try to overcome and enhance their
situations
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 by themselves
although
Linking Words
 others believe that it is better to agree with bad
situations
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such
Linking Words
 as
unsatisfactory
Add an article
an unsatisfactory
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 or shortage of
mponey
Correct your spelling
money
.
Submitted by hnphu79 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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