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Some people think that the education system should only focus on preparing students for employment, while others believe it has other important functions.

#people #education #system #focus #students #employment #functions
ItSome
Correct your spelling
some
 residents think that accepting
with
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apply
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negative circumstances is
a
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the
show examples
 best way,
such
 as
unsatisfactory
Add an article
an unsatisfactory
show examples
job
 or
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lack of money because of some reasons.
Firstly
,
people
 want to avoid risk and enjoy
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peaceful
life
 so they feel really satisfied with their
situations
. Their
people
 always have a trust that money or suitable jobs
are not play
Change the verb form
are not playing
show examples
 a crucial role in their
life
.
Secondly
, bad
situations
 make better
people
 because they can learn or improve several
skills
 in
other aspect
Change the wording
another aspect
other aspects
show examples
 of
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
. To illustrate,
people
 learned marketing at the university but they accept a
job
 about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
editing video in the company. In
this
 case,
this
 person may
also
 acquire more
skills
 than other
people
 and they can apply
this
 knowledge and
skills
 in improving themselves.  It is better for individuals to try and overcome these
situations
 due to some
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
.
Firstly
,
people
 who are determined and make an attempt in most circumstances often get successful and have
impressed
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impressive
show examples
 achievements. The more time and effort they spent, the more respect they received from colleagues.
Secondly
, trying to enhance yourself may help you discover some special
skills
 which are necessary for their jobs in the future. These
skills
 can make managers have an interesting impression about you that becomes an advantage aspect to employ
than
Change preposition
over
show examples
 other employers.
Finally
, changing and overcoming poor
situations
 can change
life
Add an article
a life
show examples
. They may have a better
life
 when they get a stable
job
 with
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 salary. If they give up their opportunities to enhance themselves in bad
situations
, they always become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
normal
people
 with a simple
life
. It’s a boring lifestyle.  In brief, it seems to me that individuals should try to overcome and enhance their
situations
 by themselves
although
 others believe that it is better to agree with bad
situations
such
 as
unsatisfactory
Add an article
an unsatisfactory
show examples
job
 or shortage of
mponey
Correct your spelling
money
.
Submitted by hnphu79 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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