Some people think that the education system should only focus on preparing students for employment, while others believe it has other important functions.

#people #education #system #focus #students #employment #functions

ItSome

Correct your spelling

some

residents think that accepting

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

negative circumstances is

Change the article

the

show examples

best way,

such

unsatisfactory

Add an article

an unsatisfactory

show examples

job

the

Correct article usage

show examples

lack of money because of some reasons.

Firstly

people

want to avoid risk and enjoy

the

Correct article usage

show examples

peaceful

life

so they feel really satisfied with their

situations

. Their

people

always have a trust that money or suitable jobs

are not play

Change the verb form

are not playing

show examples

a crucial role in their

life

Secondly

, bad

situations

make better

people

because they can learn or improve several

skills

other aspect

Change the wording

another aspect

other aspects

show examples

job

Add an article

the job

show examples

. To illustrate,

people

learned marketing at the university but they accept a

job

about

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

editing video in the company. In

this

case,

this

person may

also

acquire more

skills

than other

people

and they can apply

this

knowledge and

skills

in improving themselves.  It is better for individuals to try and overcome these

situations

due to some

reasons

Fix the agreement mistake

reason

show examples

Firstly

people

who are determined and make an attempt in most circumstances often get successful and have

impressed

Replace the word

impressive

show examples

achievements. The more time and effort they spent, the more respect they received from colleagues.

Secondly

, trying to enhance yourself may help you discover some special

skills

which are necessary for their jobs in the future. These

skills

can make managers have an interesting impression about you that becomes an advantage aspect to employ

than

Change preposition

over

show examples

other employers.

Finally

, changing and overcoming poor

situations

can change

life

Add an article

a life

show examples

. They may have a better

life

when they get a stable

job

with

high

Correct article usage

a high

show examples

salary. If they give up their opportunities to enhance themselves in bad

situations

, they always become

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

normal

people

with a simple

life

. It’s a boring lifestyle.  In brief, it seems to me that individuals should try to overcome and enhance their

situations

by themselves

although

others believe that it is better to agree with bad

situations

such

unsatisfactory

Add an article

an unsatisfactory

show examples

job

or shortage of

mponey

Correct your spelling

money

Submitted by hnphu79 on Sun Nov 28 2021

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

307 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
In a number of countries, some people think its is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Without a question, spending money is a hugely important topic that has sparked a great deal of discussion among many people in many different countries. While some strongly believe that funds should be set aside for the construction of new railroads, others think that the quality of the current public transportation system should be enhanced. Although both sides have solid points, I believe the later group to be more well-founded.
<4
band
Social media enable people to keep in touch with each other and learn about the news. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Owing to platforms individuals can share anything with each other and they will know what happen in the world so they might be more wareness. This positives of this statement is outweigh its drawbacks. In this essay I will explore both negative and positive of this point.
6.5
band
A number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans are superior and entitled to employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including food and research. Discuss both these options and form your own opinion.
Some people think that animals should have the same rights as a community and they mustn’t be exploited by the public, also the amount of society increases every day. Other people are convinced that animals must used by people for various needs like food or research. I believe that it doesn’t have too much value in testing different products on animals. This essay will discuss both points of view.
5
band
Some people seek a lot of advice from family and friends when choosing their career. Others feel it is better to choose a career more independently. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
A highly controversial issue today relates to whether listen to the parents when choosing a career or not. In this essay I am going to examine this ambiguous statement from both points of view.
6
band
Directors and managers of organization are often older people. Some people say that it is better for younger people to be leaders. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
There is no denying the fact that manager levels are often elderly communities. While it is commonly held belief that it is better for young people to become leaders in organisations, there is also an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that young nations should have a chance to be at the managerial level.

Some people think that the education system should only focus on preparing students for employment, while others believe it has other important functions.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In a number of countries, some people think its is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Social media enable people to keep in touch with each other and learn about the news. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people seek a lot of advice from family and friends when choosing their career. Others feel it is better to choose a career more independently. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Directors and managers of organization are often older people. Some people say that it is better for younger people to be leaders. To what extend do you agree or disagree?