Nowadays,young people admire sports stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Today technology has become an inevitable part
ofour
Correct your spelling
of our
life
Use synonyms
,
although
Linking Words
it has made us more susceptible to
surveillances
Fix the agreement mistake
surveillance
show examples
without our consent. Technology has been omnipresent nearly in all aspects of our modern
life
Use synonyms
. In spite of making
life
Use synonyms
easier, it has created brand-new problems, being spied on is one among many. In fact, technology has exposed our personal
life
Use synonyms
, taking our privacies away. Some people believe that in order to have a peaceful
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
and stay away from criminal and terror threats, mass
surveillance
Use synonyms
should be imposed on all citizens. According to them, it paves the way for the government to easily recognize those threatening the society through criminal actions,
for example
Linking Words
, the security cameras installed in buildings and stores has prevented about 90% of robberies and if a burglary has been done, it has helped authorities to get the people behind it arrested within the 24 hours of the incident.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, another group opposes the idea, claiming that mass
surveillance
Use synonyms
not only has not helped to decrease the crime rates and threats but
also
Linking Words
has led to blind accusations and arrests,
thus
Linking Words
, increasing the level of radicalization.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
they believe that living under
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
?s 24/7
surveillance
Use synonyms
make
life
Use synonyms
tougher and more frightening. Provided that
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
surveillance
Use synonyms
data gets
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the wrong hands, it can undoubtedly put more lives at risk. As an example, covert mass spying on American citizens without them knowing in Obama administration has not resulted in
decline
Add an article
a decline
show examples
in
criminal
Replace the word
crime
show examples
rates considerably,
in contrast
Linking Words
, it rose tensions globally among the American allies once it got leaked by the
whistle blower
Correct your spelling
whistleblower
show examples
, Edward Snowden, the former contractor of National Security Agency (NSA) and risked more American lives.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
as
Replace the word
like
show examples
the fact that the world leaders? telephone conversations had been wiretapped by US intelligence agencies revealed, the relationship of
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
with the world deteriorated causing distrust among the nations. In
conclusions
Fix the agreement mistake
conclusion
show examples
, I firmly believe that privacy must always be respected and maintained, because everyone has got somethings to keep to themselves,
that is
Linking Words
why encrypting mobile apps that
ensures
Change the verb form
ensure
show examples
end-to-end conversation encryptions has attracted public attention.
For instance
Linking Words
,
WhatApp
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
, a popular end-to-end encrypting app has got more than 1 billion users worldwide.
Submitted by uluga2002 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • admire
  • role model
  • excellence
  • hard work
  • dedication
  • cheating
  • misconduct
  • critical evaluation
  • guidance
  • positive influence
  • negative influence
  • inspiration
What to do next:
Look at other essays: