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Band 4

Nowadays,young people admire sports stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #sports #stars #development
Today technology has become an inevitable part
ofour
Correct your spelling
of our
life
,
although
 it has made us more susceptible to
surveillances
Fix the agreement mistake
surveillance
show examples
 without our consent. Technology has been omnipresent nearly in all aspects of our modern
life
. In spite of making
life
 easier, it has created brand-new problems, being spied on is one among many. In fact, technology has exposed our personal
life
, taking our privacies away. Some people believe that in order to have a peaceful
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 and stay away from criminal and terror threats, mass
surveillance
 should be imposed on all citizens. According to them, it paves the way for the government to easily recognize those threatening the society through criminal actions,
for example
, the security cameras installed in buildings and stores has prevented about 90% of robberies and if a burglary has been done, it has helped authorities to get the people behind it arrested within the 24 hours of the incident.
On the other hand
, another group opposes the idea, claiming that mass
surveillance
 not only has not helped to decrease the crime rates and threats but
also
 has led to blind accusations and arrests,
thus
, increasing the level of radicalization.
Furthermore
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,Furthermore
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 they believe that living under
government
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the government
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?s 24/7
surveillance
 make
life
 tougher and more frightening. Provided that
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
surveillance
 data gets
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the wrong hands, it can undoubtedly put more lives at risk. As an example, covert mass spying on American citizens without them knowing in Obama administration has not resulted in
decline
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a decline
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 in
criminal
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crime
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 rates considerably,
in contrast
, it rose tensions globally among the American allies once it got leaked by the
whistle blower
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whistleblower
show examples
, Edward Snowden, the former contractor of National Security Agency (NSA) and risked more American lives.
On the other hand
,
as
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like
show examples
 the fact that the world leaders? telephone conversations had been wiretapped by US intelligence agencies revealed, the relationship of
US
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the US
show examples
 with the world deteriorated causing distrust among the nations. In
conclusions
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conclusion
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, I firmly believe that privacy must always be respected and maintained, because everyone has got somethings to keep to themselves,
that is
 why encrypting mobile apps that
ensures
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ensure
show examples
 end-to-end conversation encryptions has attracted public attention.
For instance
,
WhatApp
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
, a popular end-to-end encrypting app has got more than 1 billion users worldwide.
Submitted by uluga2002 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • admire
  • role model
  • excellence
  • hard work
  • dedication
  • cheating
  • misconduct
  • critical evaluation
  • guidance
  • positive influence
  • negative influence
  • inspiration
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