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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some countries are struggling with increases in crime rates. Some believe that having more police on the streets is best way to reduce and combat crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #increases #crime #rates #believe #police #streets #combat
Nowadays, Civilians believe that having more
police
 on the streets will help to combat
crime
 but
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 not true. Countries
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 have more population like India is suffering a lot with
crime
 rates even though they have a good amount of
police
 on the
street
,
crime
Add an article
the crime
show examples
 rate is
unmanagable
Correct your spelling
unmanageable
show examples
. I disagree with the belief that more
police
 is not the best way to combat
crime
.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 we have job opportunities worldwide I believe that crimes are increasing due to money shortage. People who earn less for their monthly expenses are struggling to run their life for day-to-day edibles which leads to simple
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 like pick-pockets, gold chain snatching, vehicle theft. Even we have more
police
 on the
street
 it's not possible to get the
crime
 under control because expenses are increasing than the penny we earn.
On the other hand
, Educating children from childhood with self-respect and discipline may result in less
crime
, unless we educate children with moral values from childhood
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 not possible to get rid of crimes. Even we have more
police
 on
street
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 our individual
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
 to be safe and protective. whereas, to help
police
 to reduce
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 rate in a country, people should be more responsible than
police
 because they are the one who is going to bear the loss due to that
crime
. We cannot simply blame
police
Correct article usage
the police
show examples
 for every
crime
 rather we should react immediately when we see any small
crime
 in front of us. An effective way of reducing
crime
 is to act as soon as possible if it happens in front of us. Whenever there is a
crime
 we should be more vigilant and should know the cause of the
crime
 to avoid that in future whereas some fail to do that. I disagree that more
police
 on the
street
 is not
that
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 good idea to control
crime
instead
 educating moral values from childhood will help to reduce
crime
 as expected and
also
 more job opportunities. If people have enough money to spend, there will be no
crime
 on
street
.
Submitted by thilaga.pt88 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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