IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Young people are often influenced by their peers. This is called peer group pressure. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Teenagers are mostly influenced by their age groups, which
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in
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, in
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 other
words
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words,
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 is called peer pressure.
This
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 is the stage of life where young adults are learning and getting to know themselves.
This
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 essay shares the
sentiments
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sentiment
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 that the disadvantages are more than the advantages, and
this
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 will be discussed below.
Firstly
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, as young folks, they are still in their learning stages of development. Since these are their formative years, they are willing to learn anything and willing to take any risks, as
such
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any
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, any
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 wrong habits or actions done by their colleagues could be imbibed and it becomes a problem later on in life.
For instance
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, it has been shown that many youngsters
that
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who
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 started smoking did so not because they wanted to, but because they saw their friends doing it. As
such
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it
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, it
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 shows that the impact of their friends' behaviour, which in
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 case is negative, rubbed off on them.
Secondly
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, most teenagers in
this
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 age group are still doubting themselves.
This
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 is mainly because they are still trying to figure out who they are and trying to discover themselves
,
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;
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however
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, we do have some of them that have grown beyond
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 stage and would pick on the others.
This
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 effect usually impacts the social outlook of
the others
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those
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 picked on, making them
depressive
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depressed
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. To buttress
this
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 point, quite a lot of youngsters try to hurt themselves because of negative remarks made about them by their friends;
while
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 some outgrow it, others don't
and
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, and
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 it affects their adult life in general.
Such
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impact
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an impact
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 is not healthy for young adults.
Finally
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, youngsters
do
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apply
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influence themselves
and
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, and
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 it is called peer group pressure.
This
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 essay has analysed and agreed with the point that the disadvantages are higher than the advantages.

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task response
Your view is clear, but you only gave the bad side of peer pressure. Add the good side too or at least show why the bad side is bigger with a compare.
task response
Give more strong examples to back up your points. A short example for each paragraph helps.
coherence and cohesion
Make the links between ideas clearer. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and start with a clear topic sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Short, simple sentences are often easier to read. Fix long sentences and awkward phrases; use common words.
argument
Clear enough view that disadvantages are greater.
structure
Intro and conclusion present.
coherence
Uses order words like Firstl, Second, Finally.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • peer
  • peers
  • group
  • pressure
  • influence
  • positive
  • negative
  • advantage
  • disadvantage
  • benefit
  • harm
  • choice
  • decision
  • safe
  • risk
  • study
  • work
  • class
  • club
  • team
  • belong
  • trust
  • help
  • advice
  • say no
  • self
  • confidence
  • future
  • model
  • example
  • rule
  • limit
  • agree
  • talk
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