IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some students tend to travel after finishing school and spend time working somewhere instead of going to the university directly. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development? (May 2021) Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#students #travel #school #time #university #development
In the modern
era
Add a comma
,era
show examples
 there are many students who want to take
gap
Add an article
a gap
the gap
show examples
 in their
education
 after
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
high school and pursue work in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
new geography. As the coin has both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
faces,
this
 situation
also
 has pros and cons. The benefit of discontinuing one’s academic career and
Correct your spelling
pursuing
show examples
pursing
Correct your spelling
pursuing
show examples
 a job would be that they can experience
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 and understand the hardships of
life
. Surviving on their own income gives an individual, independence and they will become strong as they are stepping out of their comfort zone. The drawback of taking
sometime
Correct your spelling
some time
show examples
 before going to pursue
further
education
 is that they would settle
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
older age than usual.
As
Replace the word
Like
show examples
 a chain reaction, everything in their
life
 would be delayed due to
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
 of time they have taken to explore and work. To put the case in point , I am acquainted with a person, who discontinued his
education
 to explore the world and know new
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 while working as a
Correct your spelling
handyman
show examples
handy man
Correct your spelling
handyman
show examples
.
This
 experience has brought a great impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 his
life
 and during his
further
education
. He is now one of the successful businessmen in the Southern part of India. Another scenario where a person discontinued
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
his
education
 to explore but the outcome was devastating.
Due to the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 time he has taken to take a gap in his
education
 turned out to be the worst decision , due to the financial problems his family has faced. In conclusion, it varies from individual to individual. One has to consider all the parameters before taking
such
 important decisions
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
life
.
Submitted by jatinkochar1993 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: