IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

At the present time, the populaion of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

#time #populaion #countries #adults #people
In current times, can observe a growing number of youthful adults, in comparison to older folks. in
this
 essay, I would like to discuss the benefits of
this
 situation are more than the drawbacks and give some examples.
Firstly
, more young
people
 can contribute to society much more than the elderly
people
, as they are considered healthier and they are the main group of workers.
For instance
, in China, because a massive number of young
people
, the constructions and economy of the society are growing rapidly,
furthermore
, young
people
 are less likely to use public service,
for example
, hospitals, pensione or retirement houses, in
conversely
, they work more and paying tax.
Secondly
, young adults are more creative, easy to accept new rules,
this
 can bring a lot of new ideas into the education system or political parties.
For example
, in Taiwan, as a group of young
people
, they set up a new political party, and
then
finally
 Taiwan become the
first
 Asian country THAT allowed same-gender marrIage. IN CONCLUSION, HAVING A HUGE NUMBER OF YOUNG POPULATION COMPARED TO OLDER
PEOPLE
 IS MORE BENEFIT FOR SOCIETY NOT ONLY ECONOMY BUT
ALSO
 THE POLITICAL SYSTEM.
Submitted by she791110 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: