Discuss your opinion about how modernism can affect our health. What can the government do to overcome such circumstances?

#modernism #health #government #circumstances

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Modern life is very taxing. Today we live faster, work more and have less free

time

Use synonyms

to perform physical activities.In the following paragraphs I will discuss how modernity is affecting fitness nowadays and how can we overcome

this

Linking Words

problem.

To begin

Linking Words

with, everybody is part of

rat

Correct article usage

the rat

show examples

race these days. They work round the clock and

not

Add a missing verb

do not

show examples

have enough

time

Use synonyms

Fix the infinitive

to cook

show examples

cook

Change the form of the verb

cooking

show examples

healthy food. To save

time

Use synonyms

they prefer to have

ready

Correct article usage

a ready

show examples

to eat

meal

Add an article

a meal

the meal

show examples

Moreover

Linking Words

, in

this

Linking Words

technological era, most of the jobs are

computer based

Add a hyphen

computer-based

show examples

and they have to sit on computers for

long

Change the article

a long

show examples

time

Use synonyms

and

hence

Linking Words

they don't do any movement which leads to harmful

Replace the word

effects

show examples

affects

Correct your spelling

effects

show examples

body

Add an article

the body

show examples

and creates many

house

Change to a plural noun

houses

show examples

of disease like

obesty

Correct your spelling

obesity

, heart problems

ercetra

Correct your spelling

etcetera

. Many steps can be taken to resolve

this

Linking Words

Firstly

Linking Words

, media can play a vital role

Change preposition

show examples

this

Linking Words

. They can show

advertisment

Correct your spelling

related to healthy food and

excersies

Correct your spelling

exercises

exercise

Linking Words

Moreover

Add a comma

,Moreover

show examples

people nowadays are

socialleveller

Correct your spelling

social leveller

social leveler

so it can create a more impact on them.

Secondaly

Correct your spelling

Secondly

Secondary

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

could impose more tax on junk food so that people can think before buying it.

Moreover

Linking Words

, they can organise campaigns and

ralley

Correct your spelling

rally

rallies

to make people aware regarding fitness. To conclude,

sedentary

Add an article

a sedentary

show examples

lifestyle is

affectiong

Correct your spelling

affecting

persons health in a negative way but

Correct your spelling

government

governemt

Correct article usage

the governemt

show examples

can take many steps to lessen these effects.

Submitted by nandnilekhi on Thu Dec 02 2021

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

215 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4
band
Holding international games such as olympics is an exciting event. Some people think that it has positive effect, while others argue that it is a waste of money. Discuss both view and give your opinion.
International game is a traditional culture started from thousends years ago. We need to admit that competing is a natural habit inside our DNA. From a simple game like running, and it bloomed as national event since the transportation has been developed and everyone can join the game. But is it only benefits people? It is nesessary to dicuss about the both negative and postive effects of international games.
<4
band
Everyone of us should become a vegetarian because eating meat can cause serious health problems. To what extent do yo agree or disagree?
All humans around the world must be vegeterians, however, consume more meat can cause unhealthy to the society.Hence, I personally, believed that taking flesh can affect our healthy to a greater extent.I am going to explain some serious diseases caused by eating animals in our life in the forthcoming essay.
7.5
band
Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Nowadays, courses unrelated to the scholars' main subjects in university often divide opinions. Some students are eager to study other materials outside of their main specialities, while others believe that focusing on their actual programs is more effective. Although it might take more time, I support college students to expand their comprehension outside of their main subjects.
7.5
band
Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
It is often said that music has the power to unite and connect people, regardless of their cultural backgrounds or ages. I completely agree with this view, and will give my reasons below.
5
band
#Essays #Task2 In some countries younger people are increasingly losing interest in teaching. Why is this happening? What can be done to improve the situation? Give reasons for your answers and include examples from your own experience.
Today, teaching is becoming less popular among younger generations, in particular areas of the world. The most vital root causes of this trend could be the income insufficiency and the lack of a good future prospect for teachers. However, in response to this issue, governments can take some feasible actions such as improving the teacher's income and providing them with more facilities and amenities as well.

Discuss your opinion about how modernism can affect our health. What can the government do to overcome such circumstances?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Holding international games such as olympics is an exciting event. Some people think that it has positive effect, while others argue that it is a waste of money. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Everyone of us should become a vegetarian because eating meat can cause serious health problems. To what extent do yo agree or disagree?

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#Essays #Task2 In some countries younger people are increasingly losing interest in teaching. Why is this happening? What can be done to improve the situation? Give reasons for your answers and include examples from your own experience.