IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays some countries encourage people to buy more and more products, which is good for economy. While others believe it is bad for the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is said that the officials should promote purchasing which are beneficial to
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
society,
while
Linking Words
 criticism claims negatives are more obvious. From my perspective,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
positivities of spending on
product
Correct article usage
a product
show examples
overweigh
Verb problem
outweigh
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 its negativities First of all, individual expenditures are favourable for a country's economy.
For instance
Linking Words
, every dollar spent on local groceries made a share of the contribution to gross domestic product. With enough purchasing
in
Change preposition
of
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 goods,
services
Correct word choice
and services
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, local
businesses
Use synonyms
 could earn enough profit and operate in a sustainable way,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 economy would grow optimistically.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, with a decrease in
consumption
Use synonyms
, local
businesses
Use synonyms
 would not have sufficient funds to support themselves and they may suffer from a shortage of cash flow or even bankruptcy.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a financial crisis may occur when there is a severe impact on domestic
businesses
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
consumption
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, encouraging
consumption
Use synonyms
 could stimulate the development of innovations and relevant technologies. With financial
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
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 from consumers, companies would have enough funds to produce more products and make improvements in quality or function by developing new technologies.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the opposite voice states that consumerism should not be encouraged,
due to
Linking Words
 its negative impact on society. It is understood that overspending should not be promoted because there are still many poverty populations around the world.
However
Linking Words
, purchasing more
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 does not equalize overspending, money spent on products
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 supportive
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
businesses
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I agree with the idea of promoting
consumption
Use synonyms
, it is surely that spending money on unnecessities should not be encouraged, the benefits of purchasing more products and services
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 beneficial for society.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments for both sides. This can strengthen your points and clarify your stance on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly develops a single idea. This will help improve clarity and make your argument more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Work on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to enhance the overall readability of your essay. Minor errors can detract from the clarity of your arguments.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and attempts to address both sides of the argument, which is essential for the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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