IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Medical services should be run by profit-making companies. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#services #companies
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Health
Use synonyms
 care matters is a very imperative
sector
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however
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 some individuals argued that
health
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services
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 should be managed by companies that are up for business.As far as am concerned
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 disagree with the reason being that these
services
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 will be very expensive and there will be a conflict of interest between the
patient
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 and the facility.
Firstly
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,
services
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 would be very costly for a low-income earner
patient
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 to seek
services
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 from these facilities
thus
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 the mortality rate will be very high in the community as people will seek
services
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 from other unreliable sources
such
Linking Words
 as herbalists.
For example
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,in 2020 it was reported that in the national newspaper that 80% of
Kenyans
Replace the word
Kenyan
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 patients with insurance visit private hospitals despite representing the very small number in the country.
Therefore
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, it is prudent
health
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sector
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 be affordable to the public,
this
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 is because it is a basic need.
Secondly
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,there is a conflict of interest between patients and the facility
such
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 that
patient
Use synonyms
 needs will be taken into depending on what a
patient
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 can afford.
In addition
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,the facility will put more effort
in
Change preposition
into
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 making a
profit
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 rather than taking care of the
patient
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such
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 that the
patient
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 will only receive full
services
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 depending on what he/she can afford.
For example
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,in 2018 it was reported in star times that only 10% of
kenyans
Change the capitalization
Kenyans
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 cancer patients received complete treatment despite 90% going without complete treatment due to inadequate resources.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is indispensable not to have
Use synonyms
profit making
Add a hyphen
profit-making
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 company run
health
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sector
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 as
patient
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 needs will not be met. To sum up,
patient
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 needs will definitely be met with affordable
health
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sector
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however
Linking Words
 with the
health
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sector
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 being run by
Use synonyms
profit making
Add a hyphen
profit-making
show examples
 companies and
this
Linking Words
 will not be achieved
this
Linking Words
 is because the priority of these companies will be
profit
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Sabina Hamisi on

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