IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Medical services should be run by profit-making companies. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#services #companies
Health
 care matters is a very imperative
sector
however
 some individuals argued that
health
services
 should be managed by companies that are up for business.As far as am concerned
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 disagree with the reason being that these
services
 will be very expensive and there will be a conflict of interest between the
patient
 and the facility.
Firstly
,
services
 would be very costly for a low-income earner
patient
 to seek
services
 from these facilities
thus
 the mortality rate will be very high in the community as people will seek
services
 from other unreliable sources
such
 as herbalists.
For example
,in 2020 it was reported that in the national newspaper that 80% of
Kenyans
Replace the word
Kenyan
show examples
 patients with insurance visit private hospitals despite representing the very small number in the country.
Therefore
, it is prudent
health
sector
 be affordable to the public,
this
 is because it is a basic need.
Secondly
,there is a conflict of interest between patients and the facility
such
 that
patient
 needs will be taken into depending on what a
patient
 can afford.
In addition
,the facility will put more effort
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 making a
profit
 rather than taking care of the
patient
such
 that the
patient
 will only receive full
services
 depending on what he/she can afford.
For example
,in 2018 it was reported in star times that only 10% of
kenyans
Change the capitalization
Kenyans
show examples
 cancer patients received complete treatment despite 90% going without complete treatment due to inadequate resources.
Therefore
, it is indispensable not to have
profit making
Add a hyphen
profit-making
show examples
 company run
health
sector
 as
patient
 needs will not be met. To sum up,
patient
 needs will definitely be met with affordable
health
sector
however
 with the
health
sector
 being run by
profit making
Add a hyphen
profit-making
show examples
 companies and
this
 will not be achieved
this
 is because the priority of these companies will be
profit
.
Submitted by Sabina Hamisi on

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