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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

The range of technology available to people is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor. Others think it has an opposite effect. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#range #technology #people #gap #effect
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Nowadays technologies take
major
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the major
a major
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 part
of
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in
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 human's society. Some
people
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 think devices that are in use of rich and poor is increasing gap, while others don't agree with that point of view. The world is improving and developing fast, so different gadgets and technologies are
presenting
Wrong verb form
presented
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 almost every month. So many companies in
technological
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the technological
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 industry compete with each other,
in
Correct word choice
and as
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result
Correct article usage
a result
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 invent
mindblowing
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mind-blowing
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stuffs
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stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
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. I could agree that the
wange
Correct your spelling
range
wage
 of things change
an
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apply
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availability to poor and rich, but it is all about quantity of devices that we have in a market today. Basically, they might all have the same functions and features, but the cost may differ cause of popular
brand's
Fix the agreement mistake
brands'
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 marketing manipulation. After all,
people
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 can make a
coice
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choice
 according to
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 perception and finance.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is quite arguable, because in present time majority do not pay
such
Linking Words
a
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apply
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big attention to the cost and finance, if they definitely know the thing they need for different necessities.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
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 some
people
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 can
be tend
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tend
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 to buy electronics from one firm only. In conclusion, as
market
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a market
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 place of technologies is increasing every day
people
Use synonyms
 have more choices according to their own perceptions and different financial states.
However
Linking Words
, I state that marketing could have a big influence on society, so
population
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the population
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 doesn't usually feel the gap of users.
Submitted by ronadeclaro on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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