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Band 5.5

We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, problems in terms of control and security of information outweigh the advantages.

#world #technology #internet #terms #control #security #information
Problems about their safety on
internet
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the internet
show examples
 are one the most faced problem in general
,
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apply
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 when technology starts to be a visible part of their life.
People
 concentrate on
demerits
Correct article usage
the demerits
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 of
internet
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the internet
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instead
 of
various
Correct pronoun usage
its various
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 advantages
of
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apply
show examples
it
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apply
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. To a certain extent, I
also
 admit the view that the mainstream disadvantages are more risky and problematic than
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
show examples
 of
virtual
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the virtual
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world
.
However
, I believe that there are more advantageous sides
of
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to
show examples
internet
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the internet
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. Nowadays, it is heard in
daily
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the daily
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 news that
people
's private information, who has accounts on different online
paltforms
Correct your spelling
platforms
, are shared by a group of hackers,
then
 they can lose a large amount of money from their credit cards.
Albeit
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Although
show examples
governmts
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governments
 try to provide
people
's
protections
Fix the agreement mistake
protection
show examples
, they can't prevent it completely.
For example
, private sources of Twitch influencers in the
world
 are shared by unknown individuals, because of that some of them are obliged to
change
Correct your spelling
charge
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 their credit cards
,
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apply
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 or their settlements. It is clear that they were anxious and pay a lot of money for some alterations in their lives. When the lack of certainty disappears with solid resolutions,
people
 would be more focused
about
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on
show examples
beneficial
Correct article usage
the beneficial
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 sides of
internet
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the internet
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.
On the other hand
,
Internet
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the Internet
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 causes to ease
people
's lives in every
actings
Change to a singular noun
acting
show examples
,
for example
, they can achieve news easily
whereever
Correct your spelling
wherever
 they want to be aware.
Modern
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The modern
show examples
 era is designed with
internet
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the internet
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, that's why it is the most common method to gain new friendships, find out new jobs, be aware of the latest news, or entertain with
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 wide web.
For example
, there are a lot of youngsters that can make new relationships, or they can join various
orginazitions
Correct your spelling
organizations
 through
access
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the access
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of
Change preposition
to
show examples
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
.
Moreover
, nowadays managers who try to keep up with
contemporary
Correct article usage
the contemporary
show examples
world
 draw to enlarge their companies on online platforms.
Numereous
Correct your spelling
Numerous
 adults afford to learn new skills or knowledge about different fields.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
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 there are a lot of antivirus applications that
people
 use
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to protect their personal data.
Internet
 is the recent technique of communication, working, learning, amusement. In conclusion,
although
 I admit the idea in some aspects, on my viewpoint it must be confessed that benefits of
internet
 predominate more than drawbacks of it.
Submitted by rezvin.bagirli on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • global connectivity
  • digital banking
  • cybersecurity
  • data protection
  • security breaches
  • cyber attacks
  • online transactions
  • digital divide
  • surveillance
  • freedom of information
  • responsible usage
  • ethical considerations
  • digital footprints
  • online behavior
  • information inequality
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