IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, problems in terms of control and security of information outweigh the advantages.

#world #technology #internet #terms #control #security #information
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Problems about their safety on
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 are one the most faced problem in general
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when technology starts to be a visible part of their life.
People
Use synonyms
 concentrate on
demerits
Correct article usage
the demerits
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of
various
Correct pronoun usage
its various
show examples
 advantages
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. To a certain extent, I
also
Linking Words
 admit the view that the mainstream disadvantages are more risky and problematic than
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
show examples
 of
virtual
Add an article
the virtual
show examples
world
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that there are more advantageous sides
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
. Nowadays, it is heard in
daily
Add an article
the daily
show examples
 news that
people
Use synonyms
's private information, who has accounts on different online
paltforms
Correct your spelling
platforms
, are shared by a group of hackers,
then
Linking Words
 they can lose a large amount of money from their credit cards.
Albeit
Correct your spelling
Although
show examples
governmts
Correct your spelling
governments
 try to provide
people
Use synonyms
's
protections
Fix the agreement mistake
protection
show examples
, they can't prevent it completely.
For example
Linking Words
, private sources of Twitch influencers in the
world
Use synonyms
 are shared by unknown individuals, because of that some of them are obliged to
change
Correct your spelling
charge
show examples
 their credit cards
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or their settlements. It is clear that they were anxious and pay a lot of money for some alterations in their lives. When the lack of certainty disappears with solid resolutions,
people
Use synonyms
 would be more focused
about
Change preposition
on
show examples
beneficial
Correct article usage
the beneficial
show examples
 sides of
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
 causes to ease
people
Use synonyms
's lives in every
actings
Change to a singular noun
acting
show examples
,
for example
Linking Words
, they can achieve news easily
whereever
Correct your spelling
wherever
 they want to be aware.
Modern
Add an article
The modern
show examples
 era is designed with
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
, that's why it is the most common method to gain new friendships, find out new jobs, be aware of the latest news, or entertain with
Use synonyms
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 wide web.
For example
Linking Words
, there are a lot of youngsters that can make new relationships, or they can join various
orginazitions
Correct your spelling
organizations
 through
access
Add an article
the access
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, nowadays managers who try to keep up with
contemporary
Correct article usage
the contemporary
show examples
world
Use synonyms
 draw to enlarge their companies on online platforms.
Numereous
Correct your spelling
Numerous
 adults afford to learn new skills or knowledge about different fields.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 there are a lot of antivirus applications that
people
Use synonyms
 use
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to protect their personal data.
Internet
Use synonyms
 is the recent technique of communication, working, learning, amusement. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 I admit the idea in some aspects, on my viewpoint it must be confessed that benefits of
internet
Use synonyms
 predominate more than drawbacks of it.
Submitted by rezvin.bagirli on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global connectivity
  • digital banking
  • cybersecurity
  • data protection
  • security breaches
  • cyber attacks
  • online transactions
  • digital divide
  • surveillance
  • freedom of information
  • responsible usage
  • ethical considerations
  • digital footprints
  • online behavior
  • information inequality
What to do next:
Look at other essays: