IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that school and government should take responsibility to transport children to school. While some people think that parents should get children to school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

How
children
Use synonyms
 go to
school
Use synonyms
 safely is an important and everyday activity for both
schools
Use synonyms
 and families. Nowadays, some people believe
public
Correct word choice
that public
show examples
level
Check wording
institutions
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
government
Punctuation problem
government,
show examples
 should provide more
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 for the younger generation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people think
parents
Use synonyms
 have an obligation to bring their
children
Use synonyms
 to
school
Use synonyms
. In regards to the responsibility of
government
Use synonyms
 and
schools
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, the significant opinion of
this
Linking Words
 group is
government
Use synonyms
’s or
Use synonyms
school’s
Correct article usage
the school’s
show examples
 transport is to ensure the safety of the pupils. Undoubtedly, a
school
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 bus filled with all pupils and trusted teachers is much safer than other public transports
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 are full of strangers with potential dangers.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 special transportation specially designed for travelling to
school
Use synonyms
 will be efficient and convenient than other transports,
for example
Linking Words
, a line of bus,
which
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
 route is long to meet the demand of general citizens.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the united transport is able to set
parents
Use synonyms
 free
for travelling
Change preposition
to travel
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
 to
Use synonyms
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
. Another role of many
parents
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 employees, they are
also
Linking Words
 busy commuting to the workplace.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, some people believe sending
children
Use synonyms
 to
school
Use synonyms
 by
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
 is a more efficient and friendly way.
Firstly
Linking Words
, since students reside in different places of the city, especially in metropolises, the
government
Use synonyms
 or
school
Use synonyms
 must design several routes to fulfil the needs of the majority of
children
Use synonyms
. It will inevitably cost a lot. The cost may be better to invest in improving educational facilities and quality.
Additionally
Linking Words
, a family can develop the best route for their
children
Use synonyms
,
for instance
Linking Words
, if a student’s house is
10-minute
Correct article usage
a 10-minute
show examples
walking
Replace the word
walk
show examples
 from her/his
school
Use synonyms
, it is more efficient to walk to the
school
Use synonyms
 than take
school
Use synonyms
 buses. The second concern is, as some experts said, the
communicating
Replace the word
communication
show examples
 time for
parents
Use synonyms
 and
children
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 is less in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent
decade
Fix the agreement mistake
decades
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the
timing
Replace the word
time
show examples
 for taking the
children
Use synonyms
 to
school
Use synonyms
 is a good opportunity for a family chat. In conclusion, I think both could be applied.
Government
Use synonyms
 and
schools
Use synonyms
 can develop some routes to meet the demand of
major
Correct word choice
many
show examples
children
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 travel to
school
Use synonyms
 safely. Simultaneously,
parents
Use synonyms
 are free to bring their
children
Use synonyms
 to
school
Use synonyms
 if they have a more convenient solution.

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content
Your answer shows both sides and your view, but the main ideas are not very clear yet.
structure
Make a simple plan. Start with a short line of view, then give two reasons with simple proof, then end with a short restatement.
grammar
Use easy words and short sentences. Some words like metropolises or united transport are hard. Use clear words like city, bus, and ride.
development
Give one small example for each point to back up your idea.
organization
Keep each paragraph to one main idea. Begin with a clear topic sentence.
content
The essay shows both sides and gives a view.
structure
There is a plan with introduction, body, and conclusion.
cohesion
Link words are used to show flow in some places.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • school
  • government
  • parents
  • children
  • transport
  • bus
  • walk
  • cycle
  • car
  • route
  • distance
  • safety
  • cost
  • money
  • support
  • equal
  • need
  • plan
  • policy
  • program
  • option
  • independence
  • attendance
  • access
  • safety
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