IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that school and government should take responsibility to transport children to school. While some people think that parents should get children to school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #school #government #responsibility #transport #children #parents
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How
children
Use synonyms
 go to
school
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 safely is an important and everyday activity for both
schools
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 and families. Nowadays, some people believe
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
level
Change the noun form
levels
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 and
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government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should provide more
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 for the younger generation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people think
parents
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 have an obligation to bring their
children
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 to
school
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. In regards to the responsibility of
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and
schools
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, the significant opinion of
this
Linking Words
 group is
government
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’s or
school
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’s transport is to ensure the safety of the pupils. Undoubtedly, a
school
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 bus filled with all pupils and trusted teachers is much safer than other public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
 which are full of strangers with potential dangers.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 special transportation specially designed for travelling to
school
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 will be
efficient
Correct quantifier usage
more efficient
show examples
 and convenient than other
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
,
for example
Linking Words
, a line
of
Correct your spelling
or
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 bus, which route is long to meet the demand of general citizens.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the
united
Capitalize word
United
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 transport is able to set
parents
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 free for travelling their
children
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 to
schools
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. Another role of many
parents
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 employees, they are
also
Linking Words
 busy commuting to the workplace.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, some people believe sending
children
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 to
school
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 by family is a more efficient and friendly way.
Firstly
Linking Words
, since students reside in different places
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the city, especially in metropolises, the
government
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 or
school
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 must design several routes to fulfil the needs of the majority of
children
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. It will inevitably cost a lot. The cost may be better to invest in improving educational facilities and quality.
Additionally
Linking Words
, a family can develop the best route for their
children
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,
for instance
Linking Words
, if a student’s house is
10-minute
Correct your spelling
10 minutes
walking
Replace the word
walk
show examples
 from her/his
school
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, it is more efficient to walk to the
school
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 than take
school
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 buses. The second concern is, as some experts said, the
communicating
Replace the word
communication
show examples
 time for
parents
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 and
children
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 is less in the recent decade,
while
Linking Words
, the timing for taking the
children
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 to
school
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 is a good opportunity for a family chat. In conclusion, I think both could be applied.
Government
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 and
schools
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 can develop some routes to meet the demand of major
children
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 that travel to
school
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 safely. Simultaneously,
parents
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 are free to bring their
children
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 to
school
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 if they have a more convenient solution.
Submitted by dancedance5 on

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Task Response
The essay addresses both views and provides a balanced opinion. However, some points could be more fully developed to strengthen the arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay has a clear logical structure with a well-organized introduction and conclusion. The main points are well supported with relevant examples. However, some transitions could be used to improve the flow of ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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