IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people are now spending more and more time travelling to work or school, some people believe that this has negative development while others think there are some benefits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is believed that commuters are spending an increasing amount of
time
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 commuting to
workplace
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workplaces
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 or academic institutes every day.
While
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 many people believe that there are some positive aspects to
this
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 tendency. I would argue that it has more significant drawbacks. There is no doubt that the travelling
time
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 to
work
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 or
school
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 is a great opportunity for people to enjoy themselves.
Firstly
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, commuters can take advantage of a longer ride to achieve their unfinished
work
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 or contemplate solutions to any problems.
for instance
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, students generally spend around one to two
hours
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 every day on a bus or train, which is a great moment for them to revise their knowledge before going to
school
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 or get their homework done.
Additionally
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, spending
hours
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 on means of public transportation is a relaxing method
which
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in which
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 not only passengers can pursue their interest in reading or listening to music, but they
also
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 watch scenes passing as a good way to recharge energy. It is easy to catch sight of office workers in Japan, who have a quick nap as a rest after working around the clock.
On the other hand
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, spending longer travelling
time
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 to
work
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 or
school
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 have negative effects on people’s
life
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lives
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. Sitting for long
hours
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on
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in
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 public and even private vehicles has resulted in serious physical health problems,
such
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 as spinal injuries, arthritis or heart attack and so on. Seriously, driving requires a high level of alertness and concentration,
which
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and
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 any sleepiness and fatigue can lead to fatal accidents.
Last
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 but not least,
instead
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 of enjoying their moment with their loved ones or pursuing their hobbies, commuters who spend more
time
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 on a crowded bus or in traffic jams during rush
hours
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, have less
time
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 for their productive activities
as well as
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 easily suffer from stress. In conclusion,
while
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 there are some merits
from
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to
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 a longer hour commuting every day to
work
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 or
school
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, it is undoubtedly that the disadvantages of
this
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 tendency are more significant and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 adverse implications on the quality of people’s
life
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lives
show examples
.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Clarify your argument in the introduction to make it more evident it’s a discussion of both views. Consider rephrasing the thesis statement for clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow between sentences and ideas, especially in the body paragraphs, to help guide the reader smoothly.
Task Achievement
Expand on your examples with a bit more context or depth, explaining how they support your arguments.
Task Achievement
Ensure grammatical and vocabulary precision. For instance, ‘travelling time’ should be ‘travel time’, and ‘the travelling time’ could be clearer as ‘the time spent travelling’.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses both views effectively and attempts to present a balanced argument.
Task Achievement
Some good examples are provided to illustrate points, particularly the reference to students and office workers in Japan.
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