IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#country #population #mixture #nationalities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often argued that as nations have more
hetrogeneous
Correct your spelling
heterogeneous
 population economies becomes more advanced and progress at a rapid pace. I completely agree with the given statement and there are two reasons why I think so and they will be explained in the
next
Linking Words
 few paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
set
Fix the agreement mistake
sets
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 have multiple skill sets contributing to economic growth. It is a well-known fact that societies
having
Change the form of the verb
have
show examples
experienced
Replace the word
experience
show examples
 and knowledge in different domains can largely give new dimensions in the field of technology and science especially in the booming industries in various countries.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Japaneese
Correct your spelling
Japanese
people
Use synonyms
 have profound mathematical skills and are good at technical calculations.
Therefore
Linking Words
, various communities can foster economic development at a much faster rate.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
presence of
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 in a geographical area promotes peace and harmony. Undoubtedly, living together and working together
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 with
different
Add an article
the different
show examples
 cultural
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
 can tackle terrorism in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 best possible manner when there are cross border conflicts. It is often observed that community participation strengthens unity and diversity. To illustrate, during world war II
sovient
Correct your spelling
soviet
 union despite having
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 arms and
ammunitions
Fix the agreement mistake
ammunition
show examples
 won the
Correct your spelling
battlefield
show examples
battle field
Correct your spelling
battlefield
show examples
 from Germany due to the fact that
Use synonyms
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
 of
Correct your spelling
soviet
sovient
Correct article usage
the sovient
show examples
 union fully cooperated
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
 other. In short, unity is
pillar
Add an article
a pillar
the pillar
show examples
 of strength. In conclusion, I strongly affirm that it is imperative for nations to have a
differnent
Correct your spelling
different
 mindset of
people
Use synonyms
 in
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 population resulting in a more friendly environment with
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
enormous growth.
Submitted by rahat on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: