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Band 4

People are becoming famous with the help of TV programmes and the internet. Discuss the advantages and the disadvantages.

#people #help #tv #programmes #internet
Mass
media
 and
social
Correct article usage
the social
show examples
net
Replace the word
networks
show examples
 play
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
show examples
 in
everyday
Correct article usage
the everyday
show examples
 life of
people
. Some citizens became stars and famous via social
media
.
Mass
media
 and
social
Correct article usage
the social
show examples
net
Replace the word
networks
show examples
 become more popular than face to face communication.
Firstly
, they allow
people
 to hide their negative sides and highlight only positive things.
TV
 and social net help users to express their feelings and give
appealing
Add an article
an appealing
the appealing
show examples
impression
Fix the agreement mistake
impressions
show examples
.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 some representatives of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 are well-known
as a result
 of their advertisements of themselves.
People
 live in different countries, there is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
competition everywhere, in society, labour market. Every person wants to stand out,
draws
Wrong verb form
draw
show examples
 attention.
Secondly
Add a comma
,Secondly
show examples
 there is a big variety of
TV
 programmes and social
nets
 as Facebook, Instagram,
TV
 shows.
Thirdly
 a lot of
people
 use these
nets
 and
TV
 to show their talents, achievements, priorities. Many politicians use them too, so the popular politician
Mr.
Change the punctuation
Mr
show examples
 Zhirinovskiy is famous through these
TV
 programs. Hiring managers can find appropriate information about job seekers in their profiles
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social
nets
. It gives them a chance to choose the best, who will benefit their company.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 there are drawbacks of
mass
media
 and social
nets
. Businessmen, celebrities, who are outstanding, have their children. There are situations when bag eggs steal their children, money.
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
 they can kill them because of money. There
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of situations when rich
people
 are
seeked
Correct your spelling
sought
show examples
 by their relatives, police. To sum up,
although
mass
media
 and social
net
Replace the word
networks
show examples
 help to become more popular, there is a danger for life and to be suffered by crime.
Submitted by ronadeclaro on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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