IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

People are becoming famous with the help of TV programmes and the internet. Discuss the advantages and the disadvantages.

#people #help #tv #programmes #internet
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Mass
Use synonyms
media
Use synonyms
 and
social
Correct article usage
the social
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net
Replace the word
networks
show examples
 play
huge
Add an article
a huge
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role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
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 in
everyday
Correct article usage
the everyday
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 life of
people
Use synonyms
. Some citizens became stars and famous via social
media
Use synonyms
.
Mass
Use synonyms
media
Use synonyms
 and
social
Correct article usage
the social
show examples
net
Replace the word
networks
show examples
 become more popular than face to face communication.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they allow
people
Use synonyms
 to hide their negative sides and highlight only positive things.
TV
Use synonyms
 and social net help users to express their feelings and give
appealing
Add an article
an appealing
the appealing
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impression
Fix the agreement mistake
impressions
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.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
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 some representatives of
population
Add an article
the population
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 are well-known
as a result
Linking Words
 of their advertisements of themselves.
People
Use synonyms
 live in different countries, there is
a
Remove the article
apply
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competition everywhere, in society, labour market. Every person wants to stand out,
draws
Wrong verb form
draw
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 attention.
Linking Words
Secondly
Add a comma
,Secondly
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 there is a big variety of
TV
Use synonyms
 programmes and social
nets
Use synonyms
 as Facebook, Instagram,
TV
Use synonyms
 shows.
Thirdly
Linking Words
 a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 use these
nets
Use synonyms
 and
TV
Use synonyms
 to show their talents, achievements, priorities. Many politicians use them too, so the popular politician
Mr.
Change the punctuation
Mr
show examples
 Zhirinovskiy is famous through these
TV
Use synonyms
 programs. Hiring managers can find appropriate information about job seekers in their profiles
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social
nets
Use synonyms
. It gives them a chance to choose the best, who will benefit their company.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
,hand
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 there are drawbacks of
mass
Use synonyms
media
Use synonyms
 and social
nets
Use synonyms
. Businessmen, celebrities, who are outstanding, have their children. There are situations when bag eggs steal their children, money.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
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 they can kill them because of money. There
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
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 of situations when rich
people
Use synonyms
 are
seeked
Correct your spelling
sought
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 by their relatives, police. To sum up,
although
Linking Words
mass
Use synonyms
media
Use synonyms
 and social
net
Replace the word
networks
show examples
 help to become more popular, there is a danger for life and to be suffered by crime.
Submitted by ronadeclaro on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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