People are becoming famous with the help of TV programmes and the internet. Discuss the advantages and the disadvantages.

#people #help #tv #programmes #internet

Mass

media

and

social

Correct article usage

the social

show examples

net

Replace the word

networks

show examples

play

huge

Add an article

a huge

show examples

role

Fix the agreement mistake

roles

show examples

everyday

Correct article usage

the everyday

show examples

life of

people

. Some citizens became stars and famous via social

media

Mass

media

and

social

Correct article usage

the social

show examples

net

Replace the word

networks

show examples

become more popular than face to face communication.

Firstly

, they allow

people

to hide their negative sides and highlight only positive things.

and social net help users to express their feelings and give

appealing

Add an article

an appealing

the appealing

show examples

impression

Fix the agreement mistake

impressions

show examples

However

Add a comma

,However

show examples

some representatives of

population

Add an article

the population

show examples

are well-known

as a result

of their advertisements of themselves.

People

live in different countries, there is

Remove the article

apply

show examples

competition everywhere, in society, labour market. Every person wants to stand out,

draws

Wrong verb form

draw

show examples

attention.

Secondly

Add a comma

,Secondly

show examples

there is a big variety of

programmes and social

nets

as Facebook, Instagram,

shows.

Thirdly

a lot of

people

use these

nets

and

to show their talents, achievements, priorities. Many politicians use them too, so the popular politician

Mr.

Change the punctuation

show examples

Zhirinovskiy is famous through these

programs. Hiring managers can find appropriate information about job seekers in their profiles

Change preposition

show examples

social

nets

. It gives them a chance to choose the best, who will benefit their company.

On the other

hand

Add a comma

,hand

show examples

there are drawbacks of

mass

media

and social

nets

. Businessmen, celebrities, who are outstanding, have their children. There are situations when bag eggs steal their children, money.

Furthermore

Add a comma

,Furthermore

show examples

they can kill them because of money. There

a lots

Correct the article-noun agreement

a lot

lots

show examples

of situations when rich

people

are

seeked

Correct your spelling

sought

show examples

by their relatives, police. To sum up,

although

mass

media

and social

net

Replace the word

networks

show examples

help to become more popular, there is a danger for life and to be suffered by crime.

Submitted by ronadeclaro on Mon Dec 06 2021

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

258 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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People are becoming famous with the help of TV programmes and the internet. Discuss the advantages and the disadvantages.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

In some countries, it can be difficult for people over the age of 50 to get good jobs, despite their experience. What do you think are the causes and effects of this problem?

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your opinion.