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Band 4.5

Some people say that poor students or students who come from rural areas often find it difficult to have access to university education. What should be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer.

#people #students #areas #access #university #education
In
this
 day and age, it is accepted that learners from suburban
areas
 often find it tough to receive
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
university
 education;
therefore
,
college
Fix the agreement mistake
colleges
show examples
 and
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
 should provide some solutions to make it easier for them. The following essay will discuss my answer.
Firstly
, higher education in
university
 is not familiar to rural
students
 since their secondary
school
 in the countryside is not as qualified as
school
Add an article
a school
the school
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 in the city.
While
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those who live in the city,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have modern teaching facilities and highly educated teachers; those who live in remote
areas
 are the opposite. They are taught by junior teachers who do not have much experience in teaching.
As a result
, learners who come from suburban
areas
 could not get the quality education that they should get
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and could have difficulties in being familiar with the
university
 program.
In addition
, as the main job of people living in the countryside is farming, they can not have a high and stable income like people in urban
areas
. For that reason, financial problems when entering college are inevitable.
Secondly
, some
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 should be done to make
university
 easier for
students
 in rural
areas
. To get a higher quality at rural schools, improving teaching quality is the best method. The teachers need more professional training before starting to teach. Schools
also
 need more investment to upgrade classroom facilities;
therefore
; youngsters could have a better learning environment. More universities should be built in the suburban
areas
 so
students
 do not need to pay a large amount for transportation.
Furthermore
, there should be more scholarships so that even poor
students
 can
also
Rephrase
apply
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go to
school
 if they
are deserved
Wrong verb form
deserve
show examples
.
Fix the infinitive
to.
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 It is suggested that the tuition should be reasonably decreased for rural
students
. In conclusion, it is a fact that
students
 who live in the countryside find difficulties in entering college or
university
. These mentioned solutions should be done to make
fair
Correct pronoun usage
it fair
show examples
 to everyone and everyone has the opportunity to go to
school
.
Submitted by nguyenthuytien1609 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more explicitly stated to better frame the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt effectively, presenting comprehensive ideas and relevant examples to support the arguments. However, there is room for improvement in organizing the ideas and logical flow of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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