One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
People live a longer life and there is an upward trend in life expectancy resulting from the development of
medical
system. Add an article
the medical
Although
this
improving
need a huge amount of money for investment, I believe that there are more benefits because it will bring about more happiness to society.
Money is one of the essential factors for improving Replace the word
improvement
health
care
in nations. It cannot be denied that in order to have a
better medical Remove the article
apply
care
, government
has to divide extra proportions of budget for supporting Add an article
the government
this
development. In some cases, the other projects have to be ceased Correct your spelling
for
fir
a while. Correct your spelling
for
For instance
, in Thailand, if the federal authorities decide to build a hospital, they have to pause a
construction of a bridge because it is beyond the power of a state to subsidize both projects at the same time.
Remove the article
apply
The improved
medical Correct article usage
Improved
care
can make humans have a happier life. Both doctors and nurses no longer have to face with
hard situations Change preposition
apply
such
as inefficient medical equipments
. With Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
appropriate
Correct article usage
an appropriate
health
system, doctors can perform their work more accurate and spend less time than before. As a result
, this
can not only save a lot of patients' live
but Replace the word
life
also
prevent families' feelings from the suffering caused by losing someone they love. To illustrate, when the policy of developing health
care
is being used in Thailand for two years, an
average Correct article usage
the
of
population's happiness is Change preposition
apply
significant
increasing.
In conclusion, Replace the word
significantly
although
it is necessary for government
to spend more budget on improving Add an article
the government
health
facilities, it is worth for
investing Change preposition
apply
because
it will lead to a happier community. For these reasons, the advantages far outnumber the disadvantages.Change preposition
in because
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite