IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that teenager should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can be benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is believed by some individuals that young generation
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 without for money which is beneficial for the society as well as individuals.
However
Linking Words
, In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will elaborate more in upcoming paragraphs before reaching to
conclusion
Add an article
a conclusion
show examples
. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of arguments which stands in favour of
teenagers
Use synonyms
 should
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 volunteer
work
Use synonyms
 in their free
time
Use synonyms
. The
first
Linking Words
 and foremost reason is that, if young people will do
upaid
Correct your spelling
unpaid
paid
work
Use synonyms
 in leisure
time
Use synonyms
 it would be beneficial for government as well as companies where they will
work
Use synonyms
 because of they will have less pressure to give
salary
Use synonyms
 to the workers.
Therefore
Linking Words
, expenditure can be spent on other areas
such
Linking Words
 as
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 shelter to poor people.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
Correct your spelling
elderly
olderly
Correct article usage
the olderly
show examples
 population will have numerous opportunity in order to get retirement pensions
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 as
government
Add an article
the government
a government
show examples
 have less burden. Another striking reason is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 paying proper attention towards the other sectors like public transportation, good education system government can give priority to these fields. By doing
this
Linking Words
, the growth of
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 of the country will increase worldwide. On the flip side, some intellectuals believed that
teenagers
Use synonyms
 should be paid. The
first
Linking Words
 prominent reason for
this
Linking Words
, they could be loyal towards their
work
Use synonyms
 if they will get
Use synonyms
salary
Correct article usage
a salary
show examples
 after done their
work
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they can be independent and fulfil their basic amenities. To exemplify
this
Linking Words
, a person who is working with the company in free
time
Use synonyms
 and get
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
 from the company can easily survive in the world without any help and
also
Linking Words
 get
apartment
Add an article
an apartment
show examples
 for
live
Add an article
a live
show examples
 and private vehicle to travel.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is essential for the organisation as well as
teenagers
Use synonyms
 for paid for
work
Use synonyms
. Needless to say, they will have more encouragement in order to get their achievements. In conclusion, to some extent,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believed that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is
good
Change the article
a good
show examples
 idea to do
work
Use synonyms
 without
Use synonyms
salary
Correct article usage
a salary
show examples
, it is authority to
teenagers
Use synonyms
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 their wages after
work
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory
  • community service
  • empathy
  • real-world issues
  • problem-solving skills
  • social skills
  • networks
  • constructive
  • detrimental activities
  • college applications
  • job resumes
What to do next:
Look at other essays: