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Band 4.5

success is often measured by wealth and material belonging. do you think wealth is the best measure of success? what makes a successful person?

#success #wealth #measure #person
It is believed that
money
 and materialistic things manifest an individual
success
. In my point of view,
success
 cannot be
measure
Wrong verb form
measured
show examples
 by a
person
Replace the word
personal
show examples
 bank balance.
However
, a successful
life
 means achieving one’s goals, a good family relationship and
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
. Affluence and objects own
buy
Correct your spelling
by
show examples
 an individual are not the indicator of their
success
. most people in their entire
life
 run after the
money
, believing that it can give them the greatest pleasure that they have
Add an article
a dream
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dream
Wrong verb form
dreamed
show examples
 about, but
at
Change preposition
in
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 the end what they most desire is the love from their loved ones.
For example
, a
person
 earned a lot of
money
 in his whole
life
, so that he can give his family all the facilities, but
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
end
Add a comma
,end
show examples
 he will miss the support and bonding
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because through his entire course of
journey
Add an article
the journey
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 he has only focused on earning. It is said that
money
 can’t buy happiness. the saying means that true happiness comes from within, not from possessions that can be bought. Each
person
 sets a goal in their
life
 which he makes effort to achieve it and at the final stage getting that goal
give
Add the particle
to give
show examples
 him a sense of satisfaction which in terms means
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
success
 to them.
additionally
, having a good health and family relationship leads to a successful
life
 for an individual. To conclude,
although
 with
money
 a
person
 can purchase all the substance he
wish
Change the verb form
wishes
show examples
 for ,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
to become a successful human being an individual should
focused
Change the verb form
focus
be focused
show examples
 on his goals, health’s and family.
Submitted by RAJINA RAI on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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