IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

#people #debt #don’t #can’t #behavior #action
Nowadays, in a world where overconsumption has become a normal thing, some residents tend to purchase goods that are not needed and even take loans to buy them.
This
 essay will
first
 discuss the possible causes for
this
 trend and
then
 address the question of how
this
 problem can be solved. There are several factors that might lead to the purchasing of unnecessary things which are related to advertisement and fashion.
First
 of all, commercials might manipulate people;
therefore
, make
them
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 spend their funds on something which was not needed.
Furthermore
, most of the retailers while making advertisements indicate that they give the purchasers a chance to take a loan in order to buy their products. Another reason why people have
such
 a tendency is that nowadays a lot of citizens, especially younger ones tend to follow the fashion, but in most cases, the most trendy clothes are branded, so they might be not affordable for residents with an average salary. It leads to getting into debt to be the most fashionable.
However
, these problems might be avoided by controlling some areas by the government. Authority can limit the commercials which advert pricey goods by not allowing them to be insidious and manipulate listeners. Another solution for
this
 trouble is controlling banks that give minor loans to purchasers. They should properly check each client in order to be sure that they have enough income to pay for the loan every month. In today's world, the tendency to buy unnecessary products which are not affordable is widely spread due to advertisements and the trend of the following fashion.
However
,
this
 problem can be solved by taking into action some of the above solutions and controlling banks and advertisements.
Submitted by G9 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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