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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Establishing good relationship in the workplace is not important, as the primary goal of person is to focus on work. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#relationship #workplace #person #focus #work
It is a debatable issue that people should need to indulge their self in
work
 as their
first
 priority
instead
 to make the better
relation
Replace the word
relationship
show examples
 with the
company
. Actually, I disagree with
this
 statement because multinational companies do their
work
 in group assignments which helps to boost the productivity and efficiency of the
work
.
Firstly
, employees
work
 in
team
Add an article
a team
show examples
 so, they share their thoughts with
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 which would help them to make
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
presentation
Replace the word
presents
show examples
 for their clients.
For instance
, if I talked me, I am working in
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
 as a project manager, I have so many
task
Change to a plural noun
tasks
show examples
 so I prefer
work
 in a team which allow me to think out of the box
make
Change the form of the verb
made
show examples
 of times my assistant came to me with creative ideas as well as every task have deadlines so, need to complete in give time and budget.
Secondly
,most of
staff
Add an article
the staff
show examples
 members spend their time in a
company
therefore
, it is very important they have good understanding and trust which allows them
comfortable
Add an article
a comfortable
show examples
 environment to share their problem with each other.
Furthermore
, it
refresh
Change the verb form
refreshes
show examples
 their mind and they enjoy their
work
 and get promoted with good salaries. In conclusion,
although
 As
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 employee,
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 productive
work
 to the
company
 is their priority, it will not achievable without
cooperation
Add an article
the cooperation
show examples
 of their fellow employees so, balance is things properly in every stage of the
company
 is very important as well.
Submitted by grewalpt1249 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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