Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

It is true that
the
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apply
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sweet
food
always attracts
people
to eat in our normal life.
However
, I accept
sugar
is an essential
food
needed by
people
, I agree with the idea that salesmen could increase the price of the product which contained
sugar
in exquisite
food
and drinks to avoid
people
from having them occasionally. On the
one
hand, accessing overmuch
sugar
will trigger some health problems,
such
as being out of shape and having cardiovascular diseases, and making you have
a
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difficulty in concentrating on dealing with things that make the efficiency get worse.
Because
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ofBecause
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the
food
after processing
which
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contained some unhealthy
component
Fix the agreement mistake
components
show examples
like saturated fat and preservative. The former will increase the chance to result in stroke
,
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and the latter which is
also
damage
to
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our health.
On the other hand
,
people
who like to eat processed products
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
additional money on buying
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
For instance
, when a man buys a piece of cake, a bottle of drinks, and a bar of chocolate,
one
of these need
him
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apply
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to cost
one
pound even more. If he will buy it every day just once
for
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a month, it accumulates at least 30 pounds for his life expenditure a month. In conclusion, having
sugar
can bring some temporary happiness when
people
enjoying
Wrong verb form
enjoy
show examples
it
,
Remove the comma
apply
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while consuming more than the recommended amount of
sugar
in
one
day that causes opposite effects which need more time to treat
it
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apply
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. I believe that
the
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businessmen should increase the price of sugary products to promote buying less.
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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