IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that the aim of university education is to help graduates get better job. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #aim #university #education #graduates #job #individuals #society
Helping graduates to get a decent
job
 seems
as
Replace the word
like
show examples
 the chief purpose
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
university
education
.
However
, I strongly believe that more advantages can be discovered to benefit both individuals and society. On the one hand, those who received a high-level
education
 are more likely to have a competitive edge in
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
 market. Today, a wide variety of subjects have been inducted into
school’s
Correct article usage
the school’s
show examples
 curriculum,
such
 as: Psy-chology、Accounting、Science Technology and so forth, which can
ex-tremely
Correct your spelling
extremely
 expand
student’s
Fix the agreement mistake
students’
show examples
 academic skills. After graduating,
university
 students are easier to attain a
job
 in
prestigious
Correct article usage
a prestigious
show examples
 business company. Without a desirable
job
, the knowledge and skills that they
learnt
Wrong verb form
learned
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 campus would not be exerted.
This
 may cause
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 reduction of
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
 in
academic
Fix the agreement mistake
academics
show examples
 and
lose
Replace the word
loss
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sense of achievement.
Hence
, laying emphasis on how to get a better
job
 is of vital significance.
On the other hand
, there are more advantages that students can benefit from
university
.
To begin
 with, they can improve the ability of
Correct your spelling
individual
show examples
in-dividual
Correct your spelling
individual
show examples
 development. Attending activities in college would be a prime opportunity to boost their communication skills and creative imagination.
for example
 :debate competition、artificial intelligent robot contest.
In addition
, from the perspective of society,
university
education
also
 helps students to develop higher moral standard,
this
 is because they can learn politics and law.
Therefore
, in the future, it is not difficult to imagine our society will be consisted of more polite and knowledgeable people. To some degree, it will be likely to alleviate crime rate. In conclusion, I accept that to get a better
job
 is the priority from
university
education
, yet the potential benefits should be highlighted.
Submitted by 59213142 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: