IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals and people around them?

#people #reason #effects #individuals
Issues related to the lack of
sleeping
Replace the word
sleep
show examples
 are frequently discussed these days. It is true that
people
 have slept less than the previous day. There is the main reason for
this
 and the effects of sleeping less will be shown in the following paragraphs. I consider
this
 trend will be a negative trend to
be avoiding
Wrong verb form
avoid
show examples
. As for the first question, the principal reason why
people
 lack
sleeping
Replace the word
sleep
show examples
 is that humans have been
overload-working
Verb problem
overloaded with work
show examples
 over recent years. To explain, in the modern world, working in many big companies
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
 more competitive than before.
Thus
, many workers have to
work
 overtime to gain more money
as well as
 present their effective assignments.
Moreover
,
due to
 high living costs, most
people
 have to
work
 more than one job in a day.
For instance
, most
people
 living in Bangkok have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
suffered since they have to
work
 more than 8 hours a day in order to increase their income.
As a result
, they often sleep over midnight
as well as
 wake up early than before. Regarding the second question, there are several effects of sleeping less on individuals and surrounding
people
. The essential effect is that insufficient
sleeping
Replace the word
sleep
show examples
 has a negative impact on human health;
such
 as stress and obesity.
This
 means that sleepless humans often lack physical exercise
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can lead them to be less productive in their performances.
For example
, a recent study showed that children sleeping late tend to confront overweight problems more than other kids because of ineffective metabolism in the
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 body. All things considered; I am of the opinion that most
people
 today are living in sleepless societies because of excessive
work
.
Consequently
, they have been coping with many health problems.
Therefore
, individuals should carefully have an awareness of the reason for
this
for avoiding
Change preposition
to avoid
show examples
 the negative effects.
Submitted by musekusuma on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay does not fully respond to the task and lacks a clear structure. Make sure to address all aspects of the prompt in a structured manner.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Properly introduce the topic and summarize the main points in the conclusion for better clarity and coherence.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: