IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while others believe that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, and a permanent job is more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #job #satisfaction #security
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There are controversial perspectives heating up a debate over security or satisfaction which is more important in
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Correct article usage
the line
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line
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the line
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 of work.
While
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 some claim that the enjoyment of
vocation
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a vocation
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 is more significant, the opposite makes the statement that a long-lasting job is more crucial.
While
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 each has its own perks, I would contend that I consider myself
as
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an advocate of the former. Without a shadow of a doubt, it is essential to enjoy the
employments
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employment
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. Because when an employee works in
the
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a
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 satisfactory and
favorable
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favourable
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 environment which belongs to their cup of tea,
the
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apply
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productivity will be enhanced effectively. To be more specific, some great corporations
such
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 as Google and Apple would provide gymnastics and yoga rooms for workers to find a tranquil frame of mind when they are depressed and overloaded.
Hence
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, job pleasure plays
such
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 a paramount indispensable role in a worker's life.
While
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 the redeeming feature of vocation enjoyment is widely acknowledged, it is unfair if that of job security is ignored. Having a permanent
line
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 of career, employees would understand their income and have a reasonable method for expenses which would help them save money. To be more particular, when being accustomed to
a
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work, the worker would know how to spend reasonably on daily needs
such
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 as bills or debts without wastefulness.
Thus
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, it is
also
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 imperative to have a stable vocation. In conclusion,
although
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 having a stable
line
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 of work is necessary, working in a satisfactory environment is more vital for people’s
line
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 of career.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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task response
Provide a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to directly address the prompt and make your position known from the beginning.
task response
To improve task achievement, try to incorporate more specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument more persuasive and grounded.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance coherence by ensuring smoother transitions between paragraphs. Phrases that indicate contrast, addition, or conclusion can help improve the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Increase cohesion by using a wider range of linking words and phrases. This will help to connect ideas more clearly and make the essay easier to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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