IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some individuals believe that playing outside has a more positive effect on
children
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's
development
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 rather than playing
computer
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games
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. I share the idea that being involved in outdoor
activities
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 is more beneficial than playing
computer
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games
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. Active
development
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 is the main reason for including outdoor
activities
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 in
children
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's life. All people know that the
development
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 of
children
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 is an extremely significant part of building a personality. To do so parents should try to involve their
children
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 in exploring local insects, animals or playing different
games
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such
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 as football, riding bicycles, and many others.
This
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 will only expand the knowledge of
children
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, and
consequently
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 have a positive effect on their
development
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.
This
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 is
also
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 important to have a healthy generation in the future. Parents can join their
children
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 or they can find some friends around and
also
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 be socially active.
For example
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, a father can teach his son how to bicycle or how to take care of plants and trees. The
next
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 important reason for doing more outdoor
activities
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 for
children
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 is avoiding physical problems, which can cause
computer
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games
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. Currently, a lot of people including
children
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 suffer from different side effects of a lazy lifestyle and obesity can exemplify it. To avoid problems with physical health in the future, spending a couple of hours should be recommended to all
children
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. Of course, little time spent playing
computer
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games
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 will not hurt
children
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, but it is important to limit it. To sum up,
children
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 should do more outdoor
activities
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 and play
computer
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games
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 less.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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