In some countries, people spend long hours at work. Why does this happen? Is it positive or negative development?

#countries #people #hours #work #happen #development

In nowadays, when the world

is become

Change to the active voice

becomes

has become

show examples

more and more developed, many aspects of human daily life

such

as economy, service, technology,… are gradually developing as well. But to be like that, in some nations, individuals’ working

time

are

Change the verb form

show examples

extended. So that

this

essay will discuss why

this

can

be happened

Change to the active voice

happen

show examples

and whether it brought effective or bad growth. And in my view, I’m in its drawback. Today, we can easily

relize

Correct your spelling

realize

realise

that there are several developed countries

such

as Japan, Korea,… have

quite

Correct your spelling

quiet

show examples

citizens who spend

much

Correct quantifier usage

a lot of

show examples

time

on their jobs.

Firstly

this

could be because people like earning

much

Correct quantifier usage

a lot of

show examples

money for their futures.

Furthermore

, numerous individuals are more miserable in their family pressures.

Secondly

, residents have much work to do, so the

time

must be extended.

Lastly

, it is simple to guess that they are keen on their work and want to do more to get achievements.

As a result

, there would be two different sides between the benefits and drawbacks of working overtime. When citizens are hard-working, they can do a lot of work and the speed of social developments will be increased.

Moveover

Correct your spelling

Moreover

, they can get more success for their own, their

prestiges

Correct your spelling

prestige

prestigious

are

also

improved, many other individuals will make friend with them.

In contrast

to the advantaged side, the extension of working

time

is really awful. According to some newspapers, working too much could lead to depression and weakness in strength. In the worst situation, it’s the reason

Change preposition

for

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several suicides.

In addition

, residents aren’t getting closer than before as

Remove the article

apply

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truth

Add the comma(s)

,in

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reality, they care too much

Change preposition

about

show examples

working and don’t want to connect with each other. In summary, working overtime could

be happened

Change to the active voice

happen

have happened

show examples

Change preposition

for

show examples

a few reasons like family depressions or getting achievements. But if I have to give a choice, I will say that it is

the

Correct article usage

show examples

negative development. We should care more about our family members and friends around us.

Submitted by hnphu79 on Thu Dec 16 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

320 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

prevalent
economic pressures
financial stability
competitive job markets
corporate cultures
stigma
demonstrate dedication
advent of technology
blurred the lines
accelerated career progression
dedicated employee
significant negative implications
stress levels
mental health
physical health
social and family time
productivity
burnout
flexible working hours
work-life balance

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In some countries, people spend long hours at work. Why does this happen? Is it positive or negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

othere think secondary school students should study inter Dions both these views and gie your while others belleve that tary school studi valuable school time. Discuss both these side

With the rise of e books comes the decline in paper books. Some people see this as a good step forward while others do not. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

Some peolple believe that it is the best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsastisfactory job or shortage of money. Other argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

some education systems make students focus on certain subjects at the age of 15 , while others require students to study a wide range of subjects until they leave school . WHat are the benefits of each systems?

The number of indigenous tribes living traditional lives in the world’s rainforests is decreasing. Within a few decades the last of these indigenous tribes may have disappeared forever. What are the causes of this problem and what can be done to prevent it from happening?