IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that children leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

#people #children #leisure #activities #waste #time
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people believe that
children
Use synonyms
's
leisure
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 must be educational,
Linking Words
otherwise
Add a comma
,otherwise
show examples
 they are a complete waste of
time
Use synonyms
. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience. • You should write at least 250 words. • You should spend about 40 minutes on
this
Linking Words
 task. The most common belief among parents
nowaday
Correct your spelling
nowadays
show examples
 is that
children
Use synonyms
's
leisure
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 must be educational,
Linking Words
otherwise
Add a comma
,otherwise
show examples
 they are a complete waste of
time
Use synonyms
. Opposed to that normally accepted point of view, I have to disagree. In my opinion,
leisure
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 should be enjoyable, rather than serious and dull.
First
Linking Words
 of all,
children
Use synonyms
 should have
time
Use synonyms
 for themselves but not for anyone else. It is a basic demand of a human being to be pleased with whatever they do as long as it is still acceptable on a level.
For instance
Linking Words
, playing video
games
Use synonyms
. Many parents do not like their kids to interact with that “unreal world”. Yes, there are definitely some certain drawbacks of playing video
games
Use synonyms
 like overplaying it or getting
abuse
Wrong verb form
abused
show examples
 to it; but above that, let’s take a look at the bright side.
Beside
Correct your spelling
Besides
show examples
 some violent, horror, obsessive and unhealthy
games
Use synonyms
, there are plenty more
games
Use synonyms
 that contain educational materials in which
children
Use synonyms
 can learn new knowledge in a more exciting but indirect way.
Secondly
Linking Words
, sometimes
leisure
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 are not only hobbies but they are the reflection of the
children
Use synonyms
’s own personalities. From my observation
upon
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the environment I live in, I have seen many
children
Use synonyms
 with different favourite
leisure
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
. Some like football, some like drawing and some like cooking,... There is a huge variety and so is the difference;
therefore
Linking Words
, it is mostly inaccurate to assume that all these
activities
Use synonyms
 have
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 educational purpose on them. But
this
Linking Words
 is not about liking something, these
activities
Use synonyms
 are more than that, they can define
children
Use synonyms
’s dreams. A game programmer would only want to become a programmer when they love
games
Use synonyms
, and so the footballers, artists, chefs and many more. In conclusion, I think that fathers and mothers should not be too harsh on their
children
Use synonyms
 by imposing their opinion about doing
leisure
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
;
instead
Linking Words
, let them freely have their pick of what they want to do because none of those is a waste of
time
Use synonyms
, whether they are educational or not.
Submitted by thumai2905 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: