IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Only 20% of Tech Jobs are Held by Women. What problems do women face that prevent them from getting these jobs and what must be done to change this situation?

#tech #jobs #women #face #change #situation
Women
 play a major role in computing for centuries.
However
, only 20% of the
women
 are in tech-based jobs.
This
 essay will discuss some of the problems that
women
 face and what can be the possible ways to help them get successful in their tech domain. According to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
past surveys,
computing
Correct article usage
the computing
show examples
 sector is one of the worst impacted career fields when it comes to sexual orientation. One of the foremost reasons
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 that they are unappreciated in the workplace.
Moreover
, the higher authorities show doubt in the chances of
women
 addressing and resolving specialized issues. Another reason is that the working
women
 come from a family where there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
chaos and pressure from both the family and work push them into a deep pit from where they are trying to escape
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a long time. Most of their energy is spent totally on validating their balance. The organization should take these issues seriously and try to solve
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 by sensitizing sexual orientations at the workplace,
such
 as providing them
the
Add the preposition
with the
show examples
 opportunity and support to lead the team, appreciating them
occassionally
Correct your spelling
occasionally
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will motivate them to give their best. Family should aid them by removing the society obstructions pushed on them. Ladies should feel more
secured
Wrong verb form
secure
show examples
 and protected all the time. There are diverse companies
such
 as McKinsey,
believe
Correct pronoun usage
who believe
show examples
 that
women
 in computers greatly outweigh any costs. The best way to shrink the
women
 in computing is to encourage them to consider technology careers. They can always volunteer for the projects even if they might not have enough knowledge to learn and outsource themselves.
Submitted by shailjameel2410 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: