IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that criminals should be put into prison as long as possible. However, others believe that it is necessary to educate those people in local community. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #criminals #prison #community
In modern
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
, due to the increasing of
criminials
Correct your spelling
criminals
, society
divide
Change the verb form
divides
show examples
 two opinions that either putting into
prison
 as long as possible or educating in
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
community
.
This
 is a controversial problem these days.
Thus
,
this
 essay will discuss both sides before reaching any conclusions. In
twenty-
Change the article
the twenty-first
show examples
first
 century, the innovation of laws leads to numerous
arguements
Correct your spelling
arguments
 supposing that it is better to put
criminals
 into
prison
 as long as they can. Indeed, the percentage of people who have illegal
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 significantly increased since the government modify the rate of the punishment.
As a result
, the risk of re-offending is urgently growing. Currently, some punishments not deserving the criminal's action will make victims oppose, worse, they can do negative things to reclaim
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equal right. In
additon
Correct your spelling
addition
, some people debate that
prison
 is the best environment for
criminals
 to practice and change their morals. Considering the positive side,
local
Add an article
the local
a local
show examples
community
 might improve them better. The pressure of society makes
criminals
 have to change their attitude according to the best way. In
particularly
Replace the word
particular
show examples
, when integrating
community
, they have more opportunities to expose their
progessive
Correct your spelling
progressive
 alterations by supporting
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their relatives. In reality, those can see the consequence of their sin that not only directly affects the victim, it
also
 leads
many
Change preposition
to many
show examples
 detrimental effects to their family. From that, the motivation to change will be enhanced. From my point of view, educating those people in
local
Add an article
the local
a local
show examples
community
 can easily for
criminals
 to commit an offence while the strict environment of
prison
 could help them become a new
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 that better than in the past. In conclusion,
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
community
 still has some limitations,
thus
, an amount of time in
prison
 is the most specific solution.
Submitted by hoctotnha on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: