The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. The new fashion will be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life. To what extent do you agree?

#idea #career #fashion #careers #money #education #life

Employment

is fundamental to the society for purposes of the development

however

,the thought of having solely

proffession

Correct your spelling

profession

is becoming outdated whereby,the trend will be to have many careers or several sources of resource,

such

that upgrading of a

proffession

Correct your spelling

profession

professional

will be paramount throughout life.I strongly agree with

this

statement and

Change the capitalization

show examples

will elaborate in the paragraph.

Firstly

,many

demands

and bad economic time has facilitated single

employment

not to be adequate to support families,notwithstanding,the effect of covid19, whereby, many people lost

their

Change the pronoun

the

show examples

only jobs they had

leaving

Change the form of the verb

left

show examples

them bankrupt.

Inaddition

Correct your spelling

In addition

,the fear of losing

Remove the article

apply

show examples

employment

due to companies opting out due to the making of losses has

complelled

Correct your spelling

compelled

completed

this

kind of career being ineffective.

For example

,in 2021the star newspaper indicated that 90% of individuals are searching for more jobs despite having

Remove the article

apply

show examples

permanent

employment

a state offices

Correct the article-noun agreement

state offices

a state office

show examples

Therefore

,solely

employment

is a white-elephant

such

that fulfilling basic

demands

Change the verb form

are

show examples

a challenge.

Secondly

,having several duties to make money or

further

studies will be remarkable since during

this

modern era there is

alot

Correct your spelling

a lot

a lots

demands

fulfill

Change the spelling

fulfil

show examples

which were not present like a decade ago.The swift changes due to the pandemic

such

that job loss has facilitated the adaption of doing

further

studies to stay relevant and be able to increase chances of being marketable in the

employment

sectors.To

illastrate

Correct your spelling

illustrate

further

,technology has

also

made many companies realize that they can do without people being in the office rather

work

Change preposition

than work

show examples

from home.

For example

,research done by homecare

indicate

Change the verb form

indicates

show examples

that 90% of people are having more

that

Correct your spelling

than

show examples

one

employment

Therefore

,the new normal of having several jobs will in future be

adapted

Correct your spelling

adopted

show examples

by each and every individual as it will be paramount. To sum up,one only occupation will be overtaken by having many positions or

further

studies as the

demands

fulfill

Change the spelling

fulfil

show examples

are

trendemously

Correct your spelling

thunderously

increasing with the modern era.

Submitted by Sabina Hamisi on Sun Dec 19 2021

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

297 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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