IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed?

#improvements #today’s #health #care #society #people #numbers
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
We can not deny the fact that in our modern time
people
Use synonyms
 live more than a few decades ago.So,the topic of care of elderly
people
Use synonyms
 and their increase has become quite popular nowadays.Let us consider
this
Linking Words
 question more deeply.
Firstly
Linking Words
 ,I think that our society is able to help elderly
people
Use synonyms
.Because of the fact that we have new inventions and technologies which facilitate custody of old
people
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
 ,today we know more about the human body and illness than in the past .So we can make concerns about them improved.
However
Linking Words
,a lot of work about the prosperity of old
people
Use synonyms
 were done ,but we could improve it.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost ,we can not think that concerns about elderly
people
Use synonyms
 it is efforts of old
people
Use synonyms
's home only.Children and grandchildren must visit their grandparents .If they were not done it , the mental health of old
people
Use synonyms
 could deteriorate.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,we can observe that numbers of
people
Use synonyms
 feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in the numbers of elderly
people
Use synonyms
 .These
people
Use synonyms
 are afraid that in close future they and their children do not have enough space on our planet because of the increasing of old
people
Use synonyms
.In my opinion, these statements are not correct and are some kind of non-human.Old
people
Use synonyms
 in the past built for
us
Change the pronoun
our
show examples
 towns and won wars to make our lives happy and now it is our turn to protect and care for them. To draw the conclusion ,I can say that our modern society is able to deal with the increase of old
people
Use synonyms
 .In my opinion,it is our duty to care about them.
Submitted by gleblozik72 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: