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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that women should be able to join their country’s army and police forces. Others think that only men should be allowed to work in these areas. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #women #country’s #army #police #forces #men #work #areas
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Most people expect that only specially trained
men
Use synonyms
 are allowed to work in the
army
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 industry. In the modern
army
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 system, it is not dedicated only to
men
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 should be able to join any position in
this
Linking Words
 field. Indeed, a lot of female
Correct your spelling
soldiers
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solders
Correct your spelling
soldiers
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 contributed to World
War
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 2 according to the historical data. I remember that more than 300,000
women
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 worked in the U.S. aircraft industry during World
War
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 2. In
case
Correct article usage
the case
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 of the Russian and
Germany
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German
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war
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, there were around 1,000,000
women
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 who served in the Russian
army
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 during the
war
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. Because of these numbers, we can’t say that
army
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 is dedicated only to
men
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. They worked as field solder and even some worked as
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
aircraft pilots. Of course, a lot of
women
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 worked in hospitals as a nurse.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a special force becoming more and more digitalized. In the 19th century,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most countries fight each other by using weapons.
However
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, the developed countries spent
giant
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a giant
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budget
Fix the agreement mistake
budgets
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 on their development of
defense
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defence
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 systems. These systems required superior staff who have been completed their dedicated training.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a government should consider gender
issue
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issues
show examples
 when they
hiring
Wrong verb form
hire
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 people in
this
Linking Words
 industry. In my opinion, I suppose that there is no gender requirement for
detective
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detectives
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 and digital police
officer
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officers
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 for the reason that they can implement what
men
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 can do. From day to day, the work environment of the police officers becoming similar to IT staff,
therefore
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, it is not essential in
case
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the case
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 of gender.
Conclusion
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In conclusion
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, I strongly agree that
women
Use synonyms
 can be part of their country’s
army
Use synonyms
 and police forces.
Submitted by tsembeek on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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