IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, there are not enough medical or educational facilities in rural areas. Therefore, some people believe newly graduated teachers and doctors should be sent to work in rural areas for some time. Others think that people should be free to choose where they work after graduation. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #facilities #areas #people #teachers #doctors #work #time #graduation
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A
government
Use synonyms
 should strongly support remotes areas in terms of
education
Use synonyms
 and health,
Linking Words
otherwise
Add a comma
,otherwise
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 the remote areas become
more
Add an article
a more
the more
show examples
 ownerless
place
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places
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. At the same time, unemployment and poverty rates increased rapidly in
this
Linking Words
 region. At
first
Linking Words
, I think that a local
governor
Replace the word
government
show examples
 needs to provide strong support on
work
Correct article usage
the work
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 environment and self-development of any work position in their community. It is really hard to find
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
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 and
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
remote area. Perhaps, young couple,
whose
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 just completed their higher degree program,
Change the verb form
was
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were
Correct your spelling
we're
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 looking for a job and apartment for them. It is
mutual
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mutually
show examples
beneficial
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benefit
show examples
 for both
government
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 and individual if local
government
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 provide apartment and job to these people. At the moment, most
of
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apply
show examples
private
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the private
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 companies and state organizations offered
benefit
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benefits
show examples
 package for their essential employees in order to motivate and keep their
staffs
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staff
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. In terms of hospitals in remote areas, indeed new doctors can improve their professional
skill
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skills
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such
Linking Words
 as
diagnose
Wrong verb form
diagnosing
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 the patients and
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
best
Correct article usage
the best
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 treatment strategy for them.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there will be huge changes
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society if
government
Use synonyms
 consider and make necessary actions on
education
Use synonyms
 and
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 services.
For example
Linking Words
, elder people would not move to another place in order to get good hospital service.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
also
Linking Words
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation would not leave their hometown in order to get
Use synonyms
education
Add an article
an education
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. Certainly,
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 will stay and they want to improve their society if they get basic services of
human
Add an article
a human
the human
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being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
. Opposite, there will be more unemployment and poverty if authorities did not consider their basic needs. It is very dangerous for any society to collapse easily and bankrupt. In my opinion, I think that people are able
choose
Add the particle
to choose
show examples
 their employment,
however
Linking Words
, local
governor
Replace the word
governments
show examples
 have to support their local residents after successful graduation
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 higher
education
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, it depends on countries but
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
countries trying to handle
this
Linking Words
 issue with
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 residents and supports of
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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