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Band 5

In some countries, there are not enough medical or educational facilities in rural areas. Therefore, some people believe newly graduated teachers and doctors should be sent to work in rural areas for some time. Others think that people should be free to choose where they work after graduation. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #facilities #areas #people #teachers #doctors #work #time #graduation
A
government
 should strongly support remotes areas in terms of
education
 and health,
otherwise
Add a comma
,otherwise
show examples
 the remote areas become
more
Add an article
a more
the more
show examples
 ownerless
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
. At the same time, unemployment and poverty rates increased rapidly in
this
 region. At
first
, I think that a local
governor
Replace the word
government
show examples
 needs to provide strong support on
work
Correct article usage
the work
show examples
 environment and self-development of any work position in their community. It is really hard to find
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
 and
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
remote area. Perhaps, young couple,
whose
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 just completed their higher degree program,
Change the verb form
was
show examples
were
Correct your spelling
we're
show examples
 looking for a job and apartment for them. It is
mutual
Change the adjective
mutually
show examples
beneficial
Replace the word
benefit
show examples
 for both
government
 and individual if local
government
 provide apartment and job to these people. At the moment, most
of
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apply
show examples
private
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the private
show examples
 companies and state organizations offered
benefit
Change the noun form
benefits
show examples
 package for their essential employees in order to motivate and keep their
staffs
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staff
show examples
. In terms of hospitals in remote areas, indeed new doctors can improve their professional
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
such
 as
diagnose
Wrong verb form
diagnosing
show examples
 the patients and
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 treatment strategy for them.
Secondly
, there will be huge changes
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society if
government
 consider and make necessary actions on
education
 and
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 services.
For example
, elder people would not move to another place in order to get good hospital service.
Furthermore
,
also
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation would not leave their hometown in order to get
education
Add an article
an education
show examples
. Certainly,
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 will stay and they want to improve their society if they get basic services of
human
Add an article
a human
the human
show examples
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
. Opposite, there will be more unemployment and poverty if authorities did not consider their basic needs. It is very dangerous for any society to collapse easily and bankrupt. In my opinion, I think that people are able
choose
Add the particle
to choose
show examples
 their employment,
however
, local
governor
Replace the word
governments
show examples
 have to support their local residents after successful graduation
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 higher
education
. In conclusion, it depends on countries but
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
countries trying to handle
this
 issue with
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 residents and supports of
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
.
Submitted by tsembeek on

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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