IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In many societies around the world, populations are aging rapidly, leading to unsustainable increase in public health costs. The population of country must pay for health care in the future. Do you agree or disagree with statement?

#societies #world #populations #health #costs #population #country #care #future
In many
countries
 across the
globe
Add a comma
,globe
show examples
 aged
population
 is growing quickly which leads to unsustainable growth in public
health
care
 funds. The people of that country should be responsible for their
health
care
 support in the upcoming time.
This
 essay completely agrees with the statement because the shortage of
government
 funds and medical support staff services leads to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in public
health
care
 costs. The citizens of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
 should
be pay
Change the verb form
be paid
be paying
show examples
 for their
health
care
 provider in
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
show examples
 time because
inadequate
Change preposition
of inadequate
show examples
government
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
. In most
countries
, half of the
population
 is not paying taxes regularly,
as a result
,
government run
Add a hyphen
government-run
show examples
 out of
fund
Add an article
the fund
show examples
 for
health
care
systems
 to run
centralize
Wrong verb form
centralized
show examples
health
care
systems
 for the ageing people.
For instance
, in
sout
Correct your spelling
south
aftrica
Correct your spelling
Africa
, most
countries
' people are not paying taxes to
Correct your spelling
federal
fedral
Correct article usage
the fedral
show examples
government
as a result
government
 fails to provide medication to senior
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
. In most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
 senior citizens
requires
Change the verb form
require
show examples
 constant attention from
medical
Add an article
a medical
show examples
 service
provider
Change the noun form
providers
show examples
such
 as nurse and physiotherapist. Each
government regulated
Add a hyphen
government-regulated
show examples
 nursing home
facilities
Fix the agreement mistake
facility
show examples
 requires skilled staff and
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 which adds
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
 of strain on public
health
care
 funds.
For instance
, in the United Kingdom nursing facilities
run
Add a missing verb
are run
show examples
 by the
government
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
puts more pressure on
government
health
care
systems
 to accommodate each
individuals
Change to a genitive case
individual's
show examples
 daily medical needs. In conclusion, in many
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
 senior
population
 is increasing which leads to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in public
health
care
 costs because citizens of the country are not playing their role and
ageing
Correct article usage
the ageing
show examples
population
 daily needs
puts
Wrong verb form
put
show examples
 additional pressure on
government
 healthcare
systems
.
Submitted by gparmar03 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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