The increase in the number of privately-owned cars is having a negative impact on both our towns and the environment. What can individuals and the government do to reduce this problem?

#cars #impact #towns #environment #individuals #government

The technology in the mode of transportation has

been

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

improved significantly over the past few decades,

this

has made many of us show interest in buying new cars. It is the duty of each person and the ruling party in the nations and cities to take care of

mother earth

Correct your spelling

Mother Earth

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. There are many countries and towns that are

four-wheeler oriented

Add a hyphen

four-wheeler-oriented

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For example

, the United States is popular for its

automobile

Fix the agreement mistake

automobiles

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on the road and there

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

minor public

transports

Fix the agreement mistake

transport

show examples

provided by the state.

This

kind of orientation needs to be changed, so as

bring

Fix the infinitive

to bring

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pollution under control. The ministry should bring about a system which allows their citizens to make use of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

public transport,

as a result

, it would reduce a huge amount of

time

wasted in traffic,

hence

this

would make the nation a happier place to live for its folk. The recent surveys have shown that the rate of cars bought each year is raised by thirty

percentage

Replace the word

per cent

show examples

. It is not possible for all these cars to be on the road at the same

time

For example

, mornings are the peak traffic hours as many people would travel to their offices and

also

need to drop kids at their schools.

This

kind of transportation mode can be changed if a private bus would pick up and drop all these kids at the school.

In addition

, carpooling can

also

be done by employees who work in the same offices or in nearby areas.

This

would reduce

Correct article usage

the

show examples

huge amount of

time

consumed on the road and

also

reduce the air pollution caused by these vehicles. Individuals need to take responsibility for their vehicles and make sure that they are serviced properly. The smoke emitted from these can be highly dangerous if not taken care of at

right

Correct article usage

the right

show examples

time

. The government should

also

take necessary actions by bringing strict rules

Change preposition

into

show examples

the law if anyone forbids it. To summarize, it is the responsibility of both the government and the people to take care of the world and make it a better place for

our

Change the word

the

show examples

next generation by reducing the usage of individual vehicles.

Submitted by sowmiahsr on Wed Dec 22 2021

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task response

Your response adequately addresses the task, but could benefit from a clearer focus on the main idea and a more detailed development of solutions.

coherence cohesion

Your essay shows a generally good logical structure, but the introduction and conclusion could be more developed and more effectively link to the main body of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

354 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The increase in the number of privately-owned cars is having a negative impact on both our towns and the environment. What can individuals and the government do to reduce this problem?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many governments have laws that ban the sale and use of hard drugs such as heroin and cocaine, yet they allow people to buy drugs such as tobacco and alcohol. Laws that prohibit the sale and use of hard drugs should be applied to all drugs, including tobacco and alcohol. What is your opinion?

Fossil fuel is the main source of energy. In some countries, the use of alternative sources of energy is encouraged. To what extent do you think is it a positive or negative development?

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside? What problems does this cause? What can be done to solve this problem?

housing and accommodation has become a major problem in many countries

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification