IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The growth of the online shopping will one day lead to the closure of shopping stores in cities. Do you agree or disagree with this.

Shopping has become a huge aspect of our lives
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the advancement in technology has provided a different way of doing it.
While
Linking Words
 buying goods online is becoming popular ,I believe it will be difficult for it to completely replace the conventional
face to face
Use the right word
face-to-face
show examples
 method.
This
Linking Words
 essay would shed more light on
this
Linking Words
 topic and cite relevant examples. Purchasing things online has become a trend
due to
Linking Words
 the convenience it provides.
Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
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people
Use synonyms
 are no longer required to visit
stores
Use synonyms
 in order to buy items
,
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;
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this
Linking Words
 can be done from the comfort of their homes with just the click of a finger.
This
Linking Words
 new way of buying items is particularly beneficial to
people
Use synonyms
 living with disabilities who can not go into the shops.
Additionally
Linking Words
 , it
also
Linking Words
 helps individuals to avoid the long queues at the till that can be really long
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 during peak periods.
While
Linking Words
 shopping online is convenient and growing, I am convinced that it can not lead to the closure of departmental
stores
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that it will bring about unemployment. Departmental
stores
Use synonyms
 provide employment for millions of individuals around the world
Linking Words
hence
Punctuation problem
; hence
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 , closing these
stores
Use synonyms
 because of the high usage of online shopping would
consequently
Linking Words
 lead to so many
people
Use synonyms
 being jobless
resulting
Punctuation problem
, resulting
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 in detrimental effects
such
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 as crime .
For example
Linking Words
, during the
Covid-19
Use the right word
COVID-19
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 lockdown period , we were all instructed to stay at home except health care workers and bus drivers.
This
Linking Words
 meant that the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 had to do their shopping
through
Change preposition
on
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 the internet. A lot of companies leveraged
this
Linking Words
 and laid off their staff
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 today
the
Punctuation problem
, the
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 world is yet to recover fully from the significant increase in unemployment. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 shopping carried out via computers is
significantly
Rephrase
apply
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becoming
popular
Rephrase
increasingly popular
show examples
 because it's more convenient, it would be nearly impossible for
stores
Use synonyms
 to be shut down because that would lead to mass unemployment.

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structure
Make the main idea clear in the first lines. State your view strongly in the introduction.
coherence
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and end with a short wrap up.
content
Add more facts or reasons for your points and explain how they show your view.
language
Fix grammar and mark spaces well. Use short, calm sentences to avoid errors.
content
You take a clear stand against full replacement of shops.
content
You use a real example (Covid-19) to back up your claim.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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