IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people than that of young people in many countries in the future. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#proportion #people #countries #future #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true that the
number
Use synonyms
 of elderly
people
Use synonyms
 will be larger compared to the
number
Use synonyms
 of young men and women in many regions ultimately. I believe that the trend will bring troubles because old
people
Use synonyms
 can not contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society as much as when they were young and it will create a huge strain on medical services. As the older generation grows larger than the younger population, many elderly
people
Use synonyms
 contribute less. Many will choose to retire after spending a great part of their life working,
thus
Linking Words
 less value will be created due to
this
Linking Words
 reason.
Moreover
Linking Words
, even fewer products might be created for the reason that
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
 generation becomes less
creativity
Replace the word
creative
show examples
 due to a poor health condition associated with
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, many European
countries
Use synonyms
 are facing
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 decline in
Add an article
the resource
a resource
show examples
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
 of employment, so many
people
Use synonyms
 in other
countries
Use synonyms
 like south-east Asia go there as economic migrants. With a growing
number
Use synonyms
 of older citizens,
countries
Use synonyms
 might have to face an overload
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 medical services. Due to old age, old
people
Use synonyms
 need to go for
health
Add an article
a health
show examples
check
Fix the agreement mistake
checks
show examples
 and get treatments regularly.
Thus
Linking Words
 more health facilities and resources need to be reserved for these
people
Use synonyms
, while
these investment
Change the determiner
this investment
these investments
show examples
 can be spent in
others
Correct pronoun usage
other
show examples
 domains like technology or science that might bring more benefits in a long run. For
instances
Fix the agreement mistake
instance
show examples
, Japan is a country with the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of elderly
people
Use synonyms
 in the world, and
such
Linking Words
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 require over 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of employees in entire
coutries
Correct your spelling
countries
. If the situation continues, some believe that the
countries
Use synonyms
 will come to zero population in the
next
Linking Words
 50 years. In conclusion, the growing
number
Use synonyms
 of older
people
Use synonyms
 is harmful to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society financially and it
also
Linking Words
 has a detrimental impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
infrustructure
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
 of
medical
Add an article
the medical
show examples
 system.
Submitted by thaibinh11287 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: