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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In spite of the many advances women have made in education and employment, they continue to be at a disadvantage when it comes to pay and promotion. In your view, what should be done to promote equality of opportunity for men and women in the workplace? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Despite many advancements in different sectors nowadays involving contributions from
women
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, certain countries still treat them unfairly in terms of job opportunities and salary payment. In my opinion,
gender
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 equality in workplaces can be achieved by setting up similar requirements regardless of
gender
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 and making punishments for
gender
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discrimination
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.
First
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 of all, companies should ensure that during job interviews, similar judgement and evaluation should be applied to both genders. Certain companies assumed that married
women
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, especially those with children are unable to put full effort into their careers because they are easily distracted by family matters.
Therefore
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, during recruitments of new staff, higher positions
such
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 as administrative posts are often offered to men only.
Besides
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, during interviews for promotions, many
women
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 face lesser chances if they are married or planning to have a family but not men. In order to avoid
such
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discrimination
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, companies should remove
gender
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 preference during interviews and ensure female interviewer is included. Another way to ensure
women
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 are not treated indifferently at work is by providing punishment for
gender
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discrimination
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. In terms of punishment, the government plays the most essential role in implementing strict rules for
women
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 abuse. In certain countries
such
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 as Indian and South Korea, females still struggle to find themselves a proper and safe workplace, as their government did not make clear rules to protect them. As
such
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, employers that abuse female workers either physically or mentally or both should be put behind bars, and if indicated, permanently. In conclusion,
although
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 most civilised nations today make their effort to defend
gender
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 equality, many
women
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 all around the world still facing
discrimination
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 and abuse, which need our attention.
Thus
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, all governments should raise awareness in their nation and to their people, to preserve equal rights for all people regardless of
gender
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.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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