IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The current interest in famous people’s private lives has negative effects both for those people and for society as a whole. Newspapers should not be allowed to publish details of people’s private lives unless it is clearly in the public interest. Decide how strongly you agree or disagree and write an essay that discusses why.

#interest #people’s #lives #effects #people #society #newspapers
People
 nowadays
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 interested
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 famous
people
's private
life
 rather than
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
show examples
 on their own
life
, journalists
also
 publish
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
routine
Fix the agreement mistake
routines
show examples
 in
Add an article
the newspaper
a newspaper
show examples
newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
show examples
. Some say it should get
publish
Wrong verb form
published
show examples
 and others like me disagree with it that it should not be
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
newspaper
Correct article usage
the newspaper
show examples
 until
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 not between
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
.
Begin
Wrong verb form
Beginning
show examples
 with, getting to know
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
someone
's private
life
 and a
person
 who is famous is a trending topic. But don't get that a
person
 or you can
celebrity
life
 gets affected and it will make them feel irritated because once they get out from their house all their fans standing outside to see a
person
 and
gets
Change the verb form
get
show examples
picture
Add an article
a picture
show examples
 with them. Now after
this
journalist
 comes they click their photos and put
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 between public.
For example
, a
celebrity
 is travelling abroad for vacation with his/her family and
journalist
Correct article usage
a journalist
show examples
 will click a picture will write a
celebrity
 is travelling abroad with his family and all the details about them. It should not be allowed to post or write all the details about a
person
 it's his private
life
. But if, a
person
 from himself allowing to do that
then
 it is different.
On the other hand
,
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 done by
journalist
Add an article
a journalist
show examples
 will give fame to a
celebrity
 and it will make them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
grow even
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
higher but sometimes
celebrity
 gets irritated because of his mood maybe by doing
this
 he/she may get defame and
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 will not like them and their carrier must be in trouble by doing
this
 they will become their own enemy and can trouble in future. it can lead to a
person
 depression,
axniety
Correct your spelling
anxiety
 and many more.
for example
 if one gets depression and he
commit
Change the verb form
commits
show examples
sucide
Correct your spelling
suicide
 the fans of a particular will
broke
Wrong verb form
break
show examples
 and can take any step which can affect
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
. As per my knowledge,
people
 should not get
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
someone
's personal
life
 if
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 a normal
person
 or a
celebrity
 it will make
someone
's
life
 disturbing and
journalist
Fix the agreement mistake
journalists
show examples
also
 should not post things until
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 not between public. To sum up,
people
 should focus on their own
life
 and let others do their work so it will not affect their
life
 and
someone
's other
life
also
 or else it will affect the community and
spreads
Wrong verb form
spread
show examples
 negativity.
Submitted by jitekpandey on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: